I was passing through the laundry room on my way to the garage and had left the door open (from the laundry into the house) and it suddenly occurred to me that Molly loved to sneak through any little gap and run around the laundry like a furry little Tasmanian wombat! She'd go sliding into the wall by the washer then rebound off it and zip behind the dryer with this huge smile on her face. She'd dash behind both machines and come around the other side and peer out just enough to make sure I'd seen her then grin and duck behind them again. She thought the laundry room was Disneyland! As hard as I tried, I could never get her out of there (she was able to sneak in very seldom as I didn't think it was safe and worked really hard to keep the door closed at all times) although so she only made it into play-land on 2-3 occasions. I tried herding and coaxing and bribing and she just sat back and laughed at me.......... so I finally realized that I had to trust her and just left the door open so she could come back in when she was ready. She went straight to her cage and slept like an unconscious child for the next several hours...... I love her so very much.......
........... and every-time I have that thought it's in the present tense.........

I've been strangely despondent and searching for something indefinable over the last several days. I've been writing like a crazy person and responding to journals and posts like one of those "Answer 8 Balls". Which is not to say that my words have been anything less than heartfelt. In fact, I've been surprised at how fluid the thoughts coming out of me seemed to be. At how able I was to identify what I wanted to say and then get it on the page so quickly and easily. I seemed to have a grasp of so many things................. as long as they weren't "my" things. My feelings, my issues, have been much more difficult to sort through to say nothing of even identifying them in the first place. I kept snapping back into the site to find out if anyone had responded to what I said...... and tonight I realized that I was the one I needed to write for. And now, I'm not sure what to say or even if that was actually the right course of action for me to lay claim to. So it seems that even this is going to leave me with that vaguely unsettled feeling one gets when one has forgotten or overlooked something extremely important.......

And I'm so lonely for Molly it hurts..........
So maybe the thing to get clear about is that I'm going to continue to feel lost and empty until I don't feel that way anymore.....
And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

I love you Sweetface.....
I hope you've found a laundry room as big as your smile.