I'm exhausted Midget
I shouldn't be but I am. Miss P has become Christopher's girl over the last week or so and I think that's probably a good thing. The rest of the critters have always pretty much been mine at heart so it's good for him to have this. She is much more physically demonstrative with her affections than May or Figaro ever were so I think they are both happy with the arrangement. She gets a big shoulder to land on and a beard to groom and he gets a feathery little dervish who follows him around like a homing pidgeon and assumes her "pet me" position whenever he comes into the room. Me, well I just think about you and am grateful for every moment I had you in my life. You are magical Molly. From the very first moment I put you in the car to drive you home I knew you were special. I just didn't know it would grow exponentially. So I need to ask you a favor. I think I need another chilla honey. Not to replace you, but because you made my heart grow bigger because of you and now it's empty and broken. I'm afraid and I'm lonely and I'm not lovin life much right now and the thought of a summer without you is just more than I can bear. But I'm not sure I know just how to go about it. Could you nudge me in the right direction? I know I need to call Mary, but could you help me remember at a time when I could actually get a hold of her? Then, I think maybe I'll have a better idea of how to proceed. I'm going to see Dr Maas too. He made me feel better because of the way he helped you and even if you didn't get to stay with me, I don't think we should hold him responsible. He's a good man and he did the best he could under the circumstances he was in. Besides, I think if I plan on keeping the towel he let me take you home in, the least I could do is pay the man for it. I miss you so much.
I just miss you so much. My whole day was organized around work and you and Kailey and now it's like time isn't even real anymore. Or maybe I just don't know how to tell time anymore. Or maybe I don't want it to be real and I've stopped trying to tell time. Maybe I'm in the process of GOING OFF MY ROCKER again and I'm just too spacey to be able to tell.
I haven't grieved a death like this since Grandma passed. And that was 35yrs ago! Yes, lots of people I've loved and adored have passed on. But none of them broke me this badly. Well, maybe Richard's suicide. Still, this is so all-pervasive. It's bigger than you, bigger than me, it's so large it's almost incomprehensible. Hmmmmmm.......
And I think it's got me repeating myself again and again and although I get flashes of awareness, it's never enough to break me out of this fog.
I love you Sweetface. I love you and miss you and mourn the loss of the lifetime we never got to share. You were my baby girl. In every way that mattered you were my child. You came to life straight out of my heart and took most of it with you when you left. I'd give anything to have you back.............
I shouldn't be but I am. Miss P has become Christopher's girl over the last week or so and I think that's probably a good thing. The rest of the critters have always pretty much been mine at heart so it's good for him to have this. She is much more physically demonstrative with her affections than May or Figaro ever were so I think they are both happy with the arrangement. She gets a big shoulder to land on and a beard to groom and he gets a feathery little dervish who follows him around like a homing pidgeon and assumes her "pet me" position whenever he comes into the room. Me, well I just think about you and am grateful for every moment I had you in my life. You are magical Molly. From the very first moment I put you in the car to drive you home I knew you were special. I just didn't know it would grow exponentially. So I need to ask you a favor. I think I need another chilla honey. Not to replace you, but because you made my heart grow bigger because of you and now it's empty and broken. I'm afraid and I'm lonely and I'm not lovin life much right now and the thought of a summer without you is just more than I can bear. But I'm not sure I know just how to go about it. Could you nudge me in the right direction? I know I need to call Mary, but could you help me remember at a time when I could actually get a hold of her? Then, I think maybe I'll have a better idea of how to proceed. I'm going to see Dr Maas too. He made me feel better because of the way he helped you and even if you didn't get to stay with me, I don't think we should hold him responsible. He's a good man and he did the best he could under the circumstances he was in. Besides, I think if I plan on keeping the towel he let me take you home in, the least I could do is pay the man for it. I miss you so much.
I just miss you so much. My whole day was organized around work and you and Kailey and now it's like time isn't even real anymore. Or maybe I just don't know how to tell time anymore. Or maybe I don't want it to be real and I've stopped trying to tell time. Maybe I'm in the process of GOING OFF MY ROCKER again and I'm just too spacey to be able to tell.
I haven't grieved a death like this since Grandma passed. And that was 35yrs ago! Yes, lots of people I've loved and adored have passed on. But none of them broke me this badly. Well, maybe Richard's suicide. Still, this is so all-pervasive. It's bigger than you, bigger than me, it's so large it's almost incomprehensible. Hmmmmmm.......
And I think it's got me repeating myself again and again and although I get flashes of awareness, it's never enough to break me out of this fog.
I love you Sweetface. I love you and miss you and mourn the loss of the lifetime we never got to share. You were my baby girl. In every way that mattered you were my child. You came to life straight out of my heart and took most of it with you when you left. I'd give anything to have you back.............
Replies
I forgot to tell you, Gavin\'s mom Renee has ordered a headstone for him with these words on it \"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever\" I\'m going to find a way to put it on one for you my little beloved one. Because you saved me and though I couldn\'t save you you will live in my heart forever.
Hi Janine. I\'m a little more awake tonight. Did I mention that \"Butter\" (I was actually thinking of naming her \"Butterscotch\" but haven\'t decided on anything yet) reminds me of a guinea pig? That\'s one of the things I thought was so cute about her. She\'s this little ball of fluff. You know how we were saying that you like rodents and I actually do too, but I\'m in so deep with the cats that I couldn\'t actually own any. Well to have a cat that looks like a guinea pig will have to do. I looked on that website at the chinchillas. Whoa! I had no idea of the extent of the \"exoticness\" of these creatures. Some of them are quite pricey. It seems that you need to \"rescue\" one however, and it sounds like a good idea to start with contacting Mary and your vet. There is no rush, you know. It took me months last year until I got a cat to help fill the void left by Elsa\'s passing. And maybe it\'s not so \"weird\" that you like rodents. Now that I am back in the cat rescue mode again and while I was researching cat rescue places, I came across some rescue groups online (here in Pennsylvania) that specialize in rodent rescue! One place had rats and gerbils and nothing else. I\'ll bet you can find some place in the reasonable vicinity of you that has chinchilla rescues for adoption. Especially since those are considered exotic. I\'ll look around too in my spare time and let you know what I find. By the way, did you ever notice how easy it is to do one task when it\'s actually a procrastination so as to put off doing another one? I have so much boring paperwork and personal business to attend to that it makes the idea of internet \"research\" that much more appealing!
Hi Janine, I\'m thinking its good that you\'re reaching a point where you can think of getting another chinchilla... I know its not at all about replacing Molly... I\'ve heard some other stories where I thought I\'d like to suggest people consider adopting a child or maybe taking in foster children or doing volunteer work with children... I\'m thinking of it for myself... Hugs
Molly told me to tell you to call Mary right now! She says she is having a great time in heaven. That\'s why she hasn\'t visited you more often. She sends you all her love too!