I'm so angry Midget........
I'm just mad and angry and sad and I cried a lot today.
I don't seem to be able to find any peace. Just pieces of the day when I can fuction and other pieces when I can't. Today, I dusted and cleaned and picked up all the wood strips laying around the family room to keep you from getting into things you weren't supposed to and/or to give you something acceptable to chew on. I swept and vacuumed and put the straw grass back into the wicker barrel that you used to jump onto and chew. I put the plants you used to jump into back in their places and wondered how it is that they aren't dieing like the rest of my houseplants. Maybe because they were more yours than mine, or maybe to remind me that I never got the chance to get you that "dirtbox" you would have loved so much for your Christmas present.

I picked Kailey up from daycare this afternoon and brought her home to the house you don't live in anymore. She told me how sorry she was that you were gone and I told her I was sorry too. She said: "My Momma will go up to heaven and see God and bring Molly back home for you." And I so wish it were true. She sat in front of your cage and looked at it just like I have. She told me........ that I still have Miss P. I wish that were enough. Even Kailey couldn't fix me.

I think Christopher and I are in trouble Midget. But I don't think it matters to me as much as it should. Oh well. He'll get over being mad at me when the credit card is paid off and that will only take a year or so. He'll get a Harley and then none of this will bother him. I think I could have fixed it all if you were still here. I think that maybe I would even have wanted to. Now, I just can't seem to make myself feel like it's a big deal. I guess logic tells me that it should be a big deal. I should be concerned that my husband might be falling out of love with me. But I'm really not.........

I wonder if this means I'm moving back into another depression. Or another kind of depression.
Well, From the very beginning I've known and said that I only have to do 3 things: go to work, pay the bills, and feed the bird so she won't die. It now seems there's a bit more on the list than I originally thought. But really, as long as I go to work.......
I can fake my way through whatever's left. I've spent enough time doing it that I don't think I've forgotten. Besides, the only people who might notice won't be looking anyway. As long as the house stays together I could be "Night of the Living Dead" and no one would notice............
That's actually almost funny.

I love you, I miss you and I wish you were here.
And I wonder why I am. Maybe because I was more right than I knew when I told Gina that I never stopped believing in God. He just stopped believing in me.

Goodnight Molly. Thank you for helping me find this place. And for being able to be with you here.