Oh Molly,
I keep waiting for it to get easier that you're gone and it doesn't. I miss you so much it hurts Sweetface. I don't know how to be happy without you. I won't let Christopher get rid of any of your boxes, or your tunnels and I won't let him move your cage and being in the kitchen without you is just empty and sad. All your toys and your wheel are in the laundry room and I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready to let go of them. I don't understand how it's possible that you're not here with me and I don't understand how I'm supposed to move on without you. I don't want to do anything without you baby and I don't know how to say that to anyone who would understand except you. Nobody knows how whole you were. What a soul and an identity you had or how much of them you shared with me. You were my little person Molly and I'm the only one who will ever know. There are no people who live in me where you did. There is no thing I can do or take or read that will make sense of it. No place I can go to find what I shared with you and no way the world will ever look the same to me without you in it. I can't clean the house, do the laundry, make the bed I just don't seem to be able to do anything with myself now that I don't have you. And I can't bring myself to care about any of it either. Please don't leave me Molly. Please don't leave me...........
I go back to work tomorrow and I don't know how to come home from work to a house that doesn't have you in it. I love you Midget....... goodnight.
I keep waiting for it to get easier that you're gone and it doesn't. I miss you so much it hurts Sweetface. I don't know how to be happy without you. I won't let Christopher get rid of any of your boxes, or your tunnels and I won't let him move your cage and being in the kitchen without you is just empty and sad. All your toys and your wheel are in the laundry room and I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready to let go of them. I don't understand how it's possible that you're not here with me and I don't understand how I'm supposed to move on without you. I don't want to do anything without you baby and I don't know how to say that to anyone who would understand except you. Nobody knows how whole you were. What a soul and an identity you had or how much of them you shared with me. You were my little person Molly and I'm the only one who will ever know. There are no people who live in me where you did. There is no thing I can do or take or read that will make sense of it. No place I can go to find what I shared with you and no way the world will ever look the same to me without you in it. I can't clean the house, do the laundry, make the bed I just don't seem to be able to do anything with myself now that I don't have you. And I can't bring myself to care about any of it either. Please don't leave me Molly. Please don't leave me...........
I go back to work tomorrow and I don't know how to come home from work to a house that doesn't have you in it. I love you Midget....... goodnight.
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A little over a month after Elsa died last year, I started looking online for another cat of her breed. I knew that it was not as simple as getting another cat, so I\'m not gonna play ignorant and tell you to get another pet. However, it is not true that you cannot love another creature in the same way that you love Molly. There again, it is not a matter of degree and so it isn\'t a question of whether you could love another as much. I had other beloved pets when Elsa died, so it is not as though I had no cat-type love at all in my life. And I had lost other cats in the past, so it wasn\'t a first-time thing. Still as you are saying, there was an emptiness within me that I thought would never leave me and I could not fathom my future without her...yet something within me told me that if I found another cat who reminded me of her, and who needed rescuing as she had been, and who had similar traits and temperament so that she would get along with another of my cats who had been Elsa\'s friend, that it would be a step in filling the void. It wasn\'t easy, but after a few months I found her and drove solo for 24 straight hours to get her. She needed me (us) and we needed her. She reminds me so much of Elsa that I often wonder if she isn\'t somehow her reincarnated soul (when people scoff at remarks like this I ask them if they can prove that she is NOT her reincarnated soul). I often think of Elsa and I still miss her. But \"Kenba\" being here has made the loss of Elsa bearable whereas it wouldn\'t have been otherwise. You know how I told you that I wrote for 4 hours last night? I always pick something that I considered to be my biggest accomplishment for the year. Well, hands down it was the adoption of Kenba, the whole situation where I came to a resolution of Elsa\'s death. I looked at Kenba last night and couldn\'t believe how lucky I was to be feeling so happy to have her, when just a year ago I could barely think straight. Through my grief I asked God, not to bring Elsa back to me (although I am not sure that he did not do just that!), but to lead me along the path of resolution. He did indeed answer my prayers. I love Kenba and I loved Elsa. The love is similar but there are differences too. In some ways I love Kenba more than I loved Elsa, and vice versa. So it is not a matter of degree, of whether you will ever love another creature as much as Molly, but whether you CAN love again in that way. You can. If I could, you can. Ask the god of your understanding to lead you along the path of resolution, as I had done. I cannot tell you what to do, but I can give you a suggestion and since God works through other people, God could be putting these words in my head right now. Why not keep Molly\'s things, but put them somewhere out of the way? You may be needing them down the road. Be open to another animal that needs you. It could be someone like Molly, or a completely different species. Don\'t do anything that doesn\'t feel right. You will know when it is the one (or ones) that needs you in a way that will fulfill YOUR need to be needed in the way that you now miss so painfully. It doesn\'t even have to be an animal, but the way you talk and the strengths that you seem to have, leads me to believe that you have that animal nurturing spirit. And you don\'t have to necessarily adopt another animal to fill the need. Until you can figure things out, why not volunteer at a shelter in the meantime? If nothing else, you\'ll have an outlet for your nurturing talents. The thing is, it may be a combination of things that puts you where you need to be spiritually. It wasn\'t just Kenba who got me out of my grief. It was very cold last December shortly after Elsa died and I was thinking back to the year when I rescued Elsa as a stray in the cold. Last year I had been feeding stray cats on my porch, and there were 2 that would come by on a regular basis, but they were much too timid to get close to and pet. I thought that if only there was someone who would come to my door like Elsa had done, I could bring it in out of the cold and feel just a little bit better. Lo and behold, there it was that very next minute looking through my glass door. It was the skittish black cat that I had seen once in awhile. I picked him up and brought him in out of the cold. I did indeed feel just a smidgeon better. He is in my garage now as we speak, where he lives in the winter. Did you know this cat is in some ways the most affectionate and soothing cat I have ever known? He was my constant gardening companion during the spring and summer. When I had \"people issues\" this past year he was the one who would sit on my lap and make me feel better. So you see, this cat was meant to be in my life and now I can\'t imagine it without him! But he came to me when all I could think about was Elsa. It seems to me that if you find just one living thing whose life depends on you, or whose life you can make just a little bit better, it will be a step in the right direction.