ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
God hates me I swear! I've left the house exactly three times since Molly died. To go to Mom's on Christmas because Christopher couldn't (big mistake, HUGE MISTAKE). On my birthday because it seemed like the right thing to do and we needed groceries (again..... BIG MISTAKE). Yesterday because I absolutely had to get a haircut (the car broke, so another attempt to get out into the world ruined) and I thought it would be a nice "pick-me-up". I should have known better. I cancelled my last appointment because Molly was hurt and needed the Doc. Today, I woke up sad and missing my girl; and decided to just push past it. So I got online to pay some bills (today is payday) and, lo and behold both my debit card and my new, just got it in the mail driver's license, are lost! Mom (bless her holier-than-thou heart) says "God doesn't do pets honey!" FINE MOTHER. THEN CLEARLY HE JUST LOOKED DOWN, SAW HOW WRECKED I WAS AND SAID "OH GOODIE..... TAKE THAT!!!!" This is not kind, it is not benevolent and screw "moving in mysterious ways". I've taken a lifetime of crap from this life and still managed to keep my wits and my faith about me. I'VE NEVER BLAMED YOU FOR ANYTHING!!!!!! I'VE BEEN GRATEFUL FOR EVERY WONDROUS MOMENT YOU'VE EVER GIVEN ME! I spent 4yrs in a black hole of depression and only just recently crawled out of it on my hands and knees. DID I BLAME YOU? NO!!!!!
So maybe you didn't take Molly from me. Ok, I killed her myself because I just wasn't careful enough with her most precious little life. But could you just let me punish myself? Do you have to throw everything I come into contact with RIGHT BACK IN MY FACE? And why couldn't you have let her be? She was getting better. SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE IT. So she's gone and now you want to yank out what's left of my heart and soul and stomp them into the dust. GO AHEAD!!!!! BECAUSE IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS LEFT FOR ME TO FEEL AND EXPERIENCE THAN I'D JUST AS SOON MY HEART AND SOUL ARE IN THE DUST! THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I EVER STOPPED BELIEVING IN YOU..... I NEVER DID!!! YOU STOPPED BELIEVING IN ME!!!
I miss you Midget, it hurts to breath without you and I hate everything about the idea of having to get through the rest of my life without you. And I have to go now because everything is coming apart at the seams................ even me.
God hates me I swear! I've left the house exactly three times since Molly died. To go to Mom's on Christmas because Christopher couldn't (big mistake, HUGE MISTAKE). On my birthday because it seemed like the right thing to do and we needed groceries (again..... BIG MISTAKE). Yesterday because I absolutely had to get a haircut (the car broke, so another attempt to get out into the world ruined) and I thought it would be a nice "pick-me-up". I should have known better. I cancelled my last appointment because Molly was hurt and needed the Doc. Today, I woke up sad and missing my girl; and decided to just push past it. So I got online to pay some bills (today is payday) and, lo and behold both my debit card and my new, just got it in the mail driver's license, are lost! Mom (bless her holier-than-thou heart) says "God doesn't do pets honey!" FINE MOTHER. THEN CLEARLY HE JUST LOOKED DOWN, SAW HOW WRECKED I WAS AND SAID "OH GOODIE..... TAKE THAT!!!!" This is not kind, it is not benevolent and screw "moving in mysterious ways". I've taken a lifetime of crap from this life and still managed to keep my wits and my faith about me. I'VE NEVER BLAMED YOU FOR ANYTHING!!!!!! I'VE BEEN GRATEFUL FOR EVERY WONDROUS MOMENT YOU'VE EVER GIVEN ME! I spent 4yrs in a black hole of depression and only just recently crawled out of it on my hands and knees. DID I BLAME YOU? NO!!!!!
So maybe you didn't take Molly from me. Ok, I killed her myself because I just wasn't careful enough with her most precious little life. But could you just let me punish myself? Do you have to throw everything I come into contact with RIGHT BACK IN MY FACE? And why couldn't you have let her be? She was getting better. SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE IT. So she's gone and now you want to yank out what's left of my heart and soul and stomp them into the dust. GO AHEAD!!!!! BECAUSE IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS LEFT FOR ME TO FEEL AND EXPERIENCE THAN I'D JUST AS SOON MY HEART AND SOUL ARE IN THE DUST! THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I EVER STOPPED BELIEVING IN YOU..... I NEVER DID!!! YOU STOPPED BELIEVING IN ME!!!
I miss you Midget, it hurts to breath without you and I hate everything about the idea of having to get through the rest of my life without you. And I have to go now because everything is coming apart at the seams................ even me.
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