I wrote a note to my Mom that I'm going to give to Christopher to take with him tomorrow. It's not defensive, it's not angry, it's not manipulative. I just told her that I love her and I don't feel the need to celebrate anything this year. She'll understand or she won't but at least she'll know that she's been acknowledged.
Now if I could just figure out what to do about the gifts he came back with from his clan's celebration yesterday. The stocking his Mom made me is sitting on the counter stuffed to the gills and there's a couple of boxes sitting next to it and I just don't want anything to do with any of it. I'd trade everything I own and everything I got to keep Molly with me instead and the whole idea of gifts seems so meaningless.
I'm VERY MAD AT YOU God. All this time I trusted you and believed in you and now you take the life from these creatures, YOUR CREATURES, that I have loved so dearly and you toss them away. If you have lessons for me to learn I WILL LEARN THEM. Use humanity to teach me. BREAK ME, TEMPER ME IN YOUR FIRE. Spin me on the wheel of life. Hang my deeds on the scales of fate. Because the sacrifice of any innocent creature to teach a lesson to another is unacceptable and wrong. THAT YOU HAVE DONE THIS IS WRONG!!!!!!!! And I don't know that I will ever be able to reconcile that Molly is gone..................................
So where does that leave us?
Now if I could just figure out what to do about the gifts he came back with from his clan's celebration yesterday. The stocking his Mom made me is sitting on the counter stuffed to the gills and there's a couple of boxes sitting next to it and I just don't want anything to do with any of it. I'd trade everything I own and everything I got to keep Molly with me instead and the whole idea of gifts seems so meaningless.
I'm VERY MAD AT YOU God. All this time I trusted you and believed in you and now you take the life from these creatures, YOUR CREATURES, that I have loved so dearly and you toss them away. If you have lessons for me to learn I WILL LEARN THEM. Use humanity to teach me. BREAK ME, TEMPER ME IN YOUR FIRE. Spin me on the wheel of life. Hang my deeds on the scales of fate. Because the sacrifice of any innocent creature to teach a lesson to another is unacceptable and wrong. THAT YOU HAVE DONE THIS IS WRONG!!!!!!!! And I don't know that I will ever be able to reconcile that Molly is gone..................................
So where does that leave us?
Replies
I question God\'s purpose all the time when it appears that he is taking things out on innocent animals. That is how I came to believe that MY purpose is to somehow help all the animals that need help. Perhaps my sad feelings when I lose a pet is God\'s way of telling me this. God did not toss Molly away. Her life had a purpose and she is one of the lucky few who knew the love of a human. The majority of animals do not. Perhaps you are misinterpreting the message that God is sending you. Nobody can ever replace Molly, but you could help so many unwanted creatures with the connection that you obviously have with them. As for the meaningless gifts, give them to charity, perhaps a women\'s shelter. I went to the nursing home earlier this evening and had an even nicer talk with the woman that I met last year. After losing my beloved cat Elsa last year, I felt then as you do now, with no sense of purpose and no desire to join in any traditional celebrations. This elderly woman had helped me so much last year to gain some perspective, that I realized this year that I would rather spend the evening with her rather than a meaningless one with my family. I AM gonna go to my mom\'s tomorrow, but I\'m going with very low expectations. Only part of the family is going to be there and so the dysfunctionality won\'t be as full force, but there is always something! I\'ll slip away and send you a private message from my mom\'s computer tomorrow evening. Hang in there, Janine!
P.S. Good for you regarding the message you sent to your mom. You might be plesantly surprised to find that she may understand more than you think...
P.S. Good for you regarding the message you sent to your mom. You might be plesantly surprised to find that she may understand more than you think...