I just read "you won't believe this" and I do. I knew when I came to this site that Molly's "identity" would invalidate my experiences. Felt in my heart that my instinct to run from all people in general was the right one because my grief isn't as big as the grief of those who lost a child, a spouse, a parent or another loved one. Because as humans we think we think our "understanding" and our ability to "reason" separates us from everything else we share this planet with. Then we go and use that knowledge and understanding to make decisions about the relavence of what happens around us. I can't have children, I barely have a marriage, there is no one in my life who can relate to my experiences because I'm the only one who's had them. Molly was my bridge into the world. She was the reason I could walk back into the classroom after a bad day. The way I navigated through the frustration and loneliness of my marriage. She was the vessel through which I learned to let go of some of my fear and anger. She was my smile, my hope and my heart. She was just a little chinchilla, so clearly my pain can't be relative to that of anyone else on the site right? Now you know why I don't want to talk to anyone. Why I knew in my heart I shouldn't open up here. Because Molly wasn't "people". So I don't want to be "people". People will tell you it can't be that bad or that you'll get over it; or their eyes will glaze over when you bring up your pain "again". And in the end, I don't think I know any "people" I will ever be as connected to as I was to Molly. But then, Molly wasn't people.....
so what could I possibly know about any of this.
so what could I possibly know about any of this.
Replies
I just gave you a hug and am now trying to add you to my friends list. If it doesn\'t take, would you add me to yours? I\'m not great with the mechanics here. And in case I wasn\'t clear in my previous message, as I\'m a litte shy when expressing myself, after a year of missing my baby, your message touched my heart in a BIG BIG way. There are alot of people who DO know what you are going through and I am one. Don\'t worry about those people who don\'t understand for their are many of us who do!
Janine, I honestly can feel your pain even though I have not walked in the same steps as you. I don\'t think it takes the loss of another human to qualify for grieving and sadness. Molly was a vital part of your life and without her, your grief is just as real as those of us who have lost \"human\" loved ones.
I have a incredible cat that came to me out of nowhere a year ago summer. A little boy came to my door looking for a good home for him and I gladly took \"Petey\" in. He has been my closest friend now through the death of my mother, the leaving of my 20 year old son (empty nest) and the trials and tribulations of trying to get up and going in a new state, new jobs and countless other hurdles. This Christmas has been very difficult for me, too, in that my mother just passed last September and I held her hand as she took her last breath. My son moved to California (across the continent) 3 weeks later to begin his young life of 20 years and be independent. My large 3 bedroom home is almost overwhelmingly empty with the quietness. Petey has been my only source of comfort. He follows me everywhere in the house.....almost like a dog would do. He sleeps with his head on a pillow next to mine. He sits on the couch next to me. When I break down in tears over the events of my life, he makes odd little chirping noises and looks at me with concern.
If something was to happen to what seems like my only friend right now, Petey, I fear that it would be the proverbial \"straw that broke....\" and I am not sure where I would turn. At this time in life, he is the best comforting and understanding friend that I have.