I did a few things differently today then I have been.  I ended up calling the social worker that helps people who are connected to organization I am living with.  I haven't been in contact with the social workers for here in a couple years so there's a different one now.  I had started emailing her last week and decided now was the time to actually make the call.  I told her I don't like phones in an email and that I was going to try to call anyway.   I ended up telling her everything that has been going on going back quite a ways.  I don't know if it'll help but it's helping me with the phone again....which I guess is a help.  She didn't make feel stupid, she actually sounded disgusted with how things went with the crisis line.  Maybe she can help me work on something to make sure a situation like that doesn't happen again.  She asked me what I want my future to look like and I said I don't know but I don't want self harm behaviours to be a part of it.  I don't want to go down this road again and so as much as sometimes I feel like I need to do these things I need to try something different.  Right now I don't know what that different is. 
I worked on creating a journal today.  I just took newspaper from the recycle bin and some pics (magazine cutouts) from my art supplies and glued and taped things together.  That in itself was kind of therapeutic and I haven't even really made any entries yet.  I think getting back in touch with my creative side is going to be a mandatory part of my health and well-being.  

 
I also took out a load of recycling and compostables to the bins and sat outside for a bit on the step.  The neighbours cat was there enjoying the breeze so I sat there with him.  It was nice for a bit but felt surreal and I got kind of cold.
Friends stopped by tonight...I give them the food that I can't use from the foodbank.  I took it down to them and we sat in their car and chatted for awhile.  It was good.