So after what happened last night I wrote an email to my naturopathic doctor and told her how useless mobile crisis was and that I wouldn't be calling them again anytime soon.  She called them and then called me at 10pm last night and told me to expect to hear from mobile crisis as they would be getting in touch with me.  They never did.  My doctor called me again around noon today and she's not at all happy I don't think.  She's sending letters to my family doctor and my psychiatrist about what has been going on and about last night and how mobile wasn't any help.  She said if things get bad just call 911 instead of bothering with mobile.  I already know that anyway. 
 
I'm okay today I think.  I feel weird but okay.  I'm just not like people...I don't fit the mold of how someone is "suppose to look or sound or feel" for anything really.  I don't show how I feel externally...I feel it inside in thoughts.  When things are intense then I sometimes show that I am feeling on the outside... when it's not intense I'm often forced to act out what emotion I think I should be feeling.  This is my reality. 
 
Today things feel a little bit intense but distant.  I don't know how to explain it. 
 
My phone rang, my family doctors office called.  She obviously got the letter from my naturopathic doctor.  She wants me to go in tomorrow after my appointment with my already scheduled appointment with my psychiatrist.  I don't want to have two appointments tomorrow.  I had other plans.  I have errands to do.  This is not how things are suppose to go.  Things are falling apart and I don't know how to stop them or fix things.  I think maybe I'm scared. 
 
I think I want to start a paper journal with collages.  I used to do collages but not in a journal.  It helped me figure out what I was feeling and gave me a way to show other people.  I think I need to start doing that again.