Not really doing well at all.  There's good times but it seems the dark difficult times are outweighing them.  I'm still trying though.  I open my curtains and blinds and even a few times have gone outside...sometimes even when there is still sun out there.  I've gone out with mom and with friends in the past week as well even though most of me just wants to isolate.  I catch myself thinking about suicide often but I know I don't want to die...even though sometimes I think I should just go ahead and die anyway.  I don't think I'd have the energy to try even if I wanted to.  I'm trying to find projects to do to keep my mind busy...mostly relating to cat rescue.  But even that is weighing heavy on me lately and breaking my heart and I feel so helpless.  I still haven't done my bloodwork that has been overdue for a couple months now.  My goal is to get that done this week.  Frig, maybe I'll just have to sleep over at one of the clinics so I can be there to get it done.  I dunno.  If it wasn't fasting bloodwork it probably wouldn't be such an issue.  But it's just so late when I wake up and they close between 2-3pm and it just doesn't really work out.  I'm spending a lot of time watching movies and just trying to escape everything that goes on in my head.  I don't know what else to do.  I try praying but it just frustrates me more...  I dunno.