Haven't really been feeling up to writing in here the last few days.  Some days are good, some days are bad.  I can't seem to get a grip or find stability for more then a few days.  The weather isn't helping and time of month certainly isn't helping either. 
 
I wish there was a way to stick a tape recorder inside my head and record all the thoughts that go through my head...especially towards bedtime.  I'd really like someone else...a profession who can help...to be able to hear it all.  There's too much for me to record...and by the time I ever have an appointment I've forgotten it all.  I'm very good at surface talk and even convince myself at appointments that I'm doing better then I am. 
 
I dunno...honestly...it doesn't even seem worth the energy to try.  I've been in this "holding cell" for years and years.  I don't know how to escape.  Not for good.