Not a good day at all... I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed until 2:30 pm...and that was only because I needed to use the washroom. I think I probably overdid it yesterday but I didn't really have a choice. Had an appointment and then was out doing errands with mom. Didn't get home until about 9:30pm and mom stayed for awhile. Then I had to wind down...so was awake until 3-4am.
Heard from my old mental health nurse that I used to see. She said she can't see me and I was sort of counting on that. At least she finally got back to me a week after leaving the message. Apparently the mental health system here is changing yet again so even if she could see me it would only be for a max of 6-8 visits. I don't know what to do. I guess I can call my old OT and see if I'm still considered one of her clients and see if I can see her but to be honest it seems pretty useless and I'm not convinced it's worth the energy to even try.
I also think I might have a uti but I can't get in with my doctor until next week and I can't get to the stupid walk in clinics because they are only in the mornings and right now I'm just having such a hard time getting anywhere for even 2 or 3pm in the afternoon. So morning is pretty much out. I'm also suppose to do bloodwork but those clinics also close before I'm able to get there and I need to do a minimum 8 hour fast before hand. So I'm basically screwed.
My thoughts are so messed up. I'm trying hard to pull myself out of them and practicing a lot of positive self care but it doesn't seem to be helping. I want more then anything to go to the liquor store and buy a crap load of booze and just get drunk. Of course that won't solve anything and would probably make things worse but it's the temporary escape that I want....NEED right now....which is probably why I'm so tempted to get sleeping pills and just sleep. It's not a good place to be. I'm using stuff I got from my naturopathic doctor and trying to be responsible about it and use it just as directed. It's 36% alcohol though and it's about all I can do to keep from taking the entire bottle. Trying to be good though. Today is actually the worst for thoughts that I've had in a long time. I keep catching myself thinking I want to kill myself. The last 48 hours or so I keep having visions of myself dead in various situations. It's a bit disturbing to say the least.
I don't know...but I do know somehow things need to turn around. Sooner then later. I don't know how long I can hang on with the thoughts and feelings going on in my head and all the urges and temptations.
Heard from my old mental health nurse that I used to see. She said she can't see me and I was sort of counting on that. At least she finally got back to me a week after leaving the message. Apparently the mental health system here is changing yet again so even if she could see me it would only be for a max of 6-8 visits. I don't know what to do. I guess I can call my old OT and see if I'm still considered one of her clients and see if I can see her but to be honest it seems pretty useless and I'm not convinced it's worth the energy to even try.
I also think I might have a uti but I can't get in with my doctor until next week and I can't get to the stupid walk in clinics because they are only in the mornings and right now I'm just having such a hard time getting anywhere for even 2 or 3pm in the afternoon. So morning is pretty much out. I'm also suppose to do bloodwork but those clinics also close before I'm able to get there and I need to do a minimum 8 hour fast before hand. So I'm basically screwed.
My thoughts are so messed up. I'm trying hard to pull myself out of them and practicing a lot of positive self care but it doesn't seem to be helping. I want more then anything to go to the liquor store and buy a crap load of booze and just get drunk. Of course that won't solve anything and would probably make things worse but it's the temporary escape that I want....NEED right now....which is probably why I'm so tempted to get sleeping pills and just sleep. It's not a good place to be. I'm using stuff I got from my naturopathic doctor and trying to be responsible about it and use it just as directed. It's 36% alcohol though and it's about all I can do to keep from taking the entire bottle. Trying to be good though. Today is actually the worst for thoughts that I've had in a long time. I keep catching myself thinking I want to kill myself. The last 48 hours or so I keep having visions of myself dead in various situations. It's a bit disturbing to say the least.
I don't know...but I do know somehow things need to turn around. Sooner then later. I don't know how long I can hang on with the thoughts and feelings going on in my head and all the urges and temptations.
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Dear Jesus please come along side my friend comfort her in her distress. Please give her strength, courage to move forward and wisdom to live in your will for her. Protect her and heal her . Keep her free from temptation in Jesus name we pray. Amen and Amen!