Okay, so I'm a mix mash of all over the place with my emotions and mental health these days.  I don't know why but I'm having a lot of urges and thoughts to cut.  I don't understand why sometimes it's such a battle after having stayed away from it for so long...19 months so far.  I guess it's something that's ingrained in me as a way of coping when things don't seem/feel quite right and so it's I guess an almost automatic thought process.... for others it might be a drug or smoking or drinking, gambling, shopping, working too much, etc. 
The auction is going well, still a few days left and it's far passed my expectations!  Now that I've seen how well it's doing I hope to hit the $200 mark and have $100 to donate to the organization and for my dental appointment.  We're at $187 as of a few minutes ago.  When I started I would have been happy to see it hit $100 total so I'm really extremely happy and as long as everything goes well with people honoring their bids and pick up of items I plan to do this again in Sept/Oct.  It's a fair amount of work but it's a lot of fun. 
I'm behind working on an online swap that I'm hosting so I need to bust my butt into gear and finish working on that so I can send it off.  It's fun but I've lost interest.  I think I've taken on a few more projects then I'm used to and it's throwing me all off.  It's a good thing...but it's making me realize I may need to take even smaller steps...and not try to do things all at once.  I get overwhelmed SOOOO ridiculously easy.
The yeast seems to be more or less gone again.  I saw the specialist again but as you know how things go there was nothing for her to see so we can only speculate.  I've more or less stopped treating again with the exception of Candigen when I remember.  The fissures are ongoing and I plan to try to get in with my doctor next week to review that.  I'm almost wondering if there is something else going on in addition to keep causing them.  For the most part I drink more then enough water, get plenty of fiber (though still working on increasing vegetable intake), and am only rarely constipated....it seems I get all ranges of the spectrum though from almost diarrhea to constipation which as soon as I realize I'm getting backed up...even before feeling like I'm backed up, I start treating with laxatives and stool softeners. Am doing the sitz baths and try to apply a mixture of vitamin E oil and coconut oil to the area once a day in addition to the prescriptions. Some days there's improvement and I think we're on the mend and others it's excruciating.
Anyway, I'm suppose to be sleeping as I need to get up for a fundraiser in the morning and a family event in the afternoon and it's going to be a very long day if I don't sleep soon.  I'm hoping to grab a nap somehow in between the two.  Not sure how that'll happen. It's a melatonin night tonight for sure....as it should help me fall asleep and usually shortens my sleep cycle so I can wake up earlier. 
Off I go.  LOL  :)  Goodnight (errr morning as the clock say 2:10am)



I get overwhelmed easily too. I\'m a great idea person but I get bogged down in the follow through. I don\'t know why....