Not much to report today.  I did wake up feeling a little bit more energized which is both good and bad...I started making plans for a busy day and my period hit...I should have guessed since I've been feeling drained the last few days. Well it hit and the cramps were so bad I called things off. 
 
I redeemed things though...I managed to get a workout done even though it's been weeks since the last time and even though I felt like laying in bed more then anything.  I've done so many dishes I never want to see dirty dishes again...however...I'll be seeing them again very very soon.  Made supper...albeit not a great one but it did the trick.  Progress...I guess.
 
I'm not sure if it's time of the month or just coincidence but I am having some really weird deep thoughts.  Not necessarily bad...just deep. 
 
I really feel like I need to find a "spiritual mother" to talk to sorta like I talk with my mom and family...but without that same level of familial concern....if that makes any sense.  I feel like when I talk to my mom I'm often (not intentionally on her part) getting fed with a spirit of fear and that's not what I need.  I'm so tired of feeling fearful of everything.  I'm not saying I want to go out and be wreck-less, those days I think have passed, but I want to have my confidence built up and encouraged, not feel discouraged by every choice I make.  I just want/need a little reassurance...errr...well maybe a lot...I don't know.  I want this to all be with a biblical and Godly basis.  Maybe I just want too much.  Mom means well and I love her and am so so so thankful and grateful for my parents and sisters....but for some reason when mom talks about "Christian" things I feel so on edge.  I don't know exactly why...and I hate saying...and that's why I haven't said anything before.  I am a Christian, I believe in God and Jesus and that Jesus died on the cross for our sins...but sometimes when she talks about things I want to run away screaming and have nothing to do with it at all.  Thankfully my belief and faith in God, my heavenly Father, keeps me from doing that.  No matter what a human says or does I know without a doubt in my heart that God is the real deal, that He is Life. 
 
That said, I want to start working on my spiritual life and spiritual journey with the Lord again and have been a little bit...but I am sensing a need to take it to the next level and to do that I need to find...or rather, I need to pray that God provides me with the right spiritual mentor/mother.  I think with my mom, though she means well, I think I maybe on some level sense some judgement and also fear...and as much as I love her it isn't really all that healthy for me.  Maybe it's all things I'm perceiving or maybe those are things she struggles with too...I don't know...
 
I guess what I do now is pray...pray that if it's God's will that He provides me with the right spiritual mentor for me.  Ultimately, it's Him that knows me and the other person best so He knows who will be the right connection.  I had some more written but accidentally hit a button on the mouse and it deleted a portion and I don't quite remember what it was because I'm trying to write from the heart and just let things flow...but I know this is getting really wordy and am trying not to do that...nor to sound too judgmental myself.
 
All that said, I'm doing good.  I'm just getting ready to be doing even better.  :)
 
Gratitude:
 
1. I'm grateful that I got my workout done today after so long being "off the wagon"
 
2. I'm grateful for comfy workout clothes...my sisters gave me some new stuff for my birthday and it's quite comfy and practical and stylish
 
3. I'm grateful for chocolate and peanut butter