Having a challenging time today.  Actually off and on the last few days.  But today moreso then others.  My thoughts are not were they should be and I'm struggling with increasing thoughts of self harm and death.  It's not an easy place to be.  The first few days I was sort of able to shrug it off and ride through it...but it seems to be getting more often for longer periods and more intense and it's wearing me down.  I'm still trying to continue on as I should be and the whole "fake it till you make it" strategy.  I'm not sure how long I can do that for though.  I will call my psychiatrist during the week if it continues.  I have finally been over a year since cutting and od'ing and all of that stuff and I don't want to go back to those things but I almost feel like I'm being compelled to.  It's frustrating.  Well...back to dishes again and try to find something to stomach.  I just needed to vent a bit.