hmmm... we will see if this thing lets me post a journal entry...
Things are going surprisingly well these days. I'm often overwhelmed at how well things are going and spend a lot of time reflecting on all the changes over the past year. I can't believe the difference between then and now.
This time last year I was living in supportive housing...basically a community centre with other women and children. Basically I had to share an apartment with up to 3 other people and participate in regular programs. It was an experience but it wasn't for me and it didn't give me the opportunity I needed to get on track with my mental health. In fact, looking back, I think it kept me stuck in my way of coping. That said, it was still a learning experience and I don't regret it. At this time last year I never thought I'd have my own apartment, be doing well, and have an adorable furry black kid...errr...kitty.
Last year, if you count moves between shelters, and moving from one apartment to another I had moved somewhere around 8 times. My goal for this year... not moving at all! I feel stable for the first time ever...and I don't want to do anything to change that at the moment. Sure I might not live in the safest area and I have some very strange and somewhat dangerous neighbours but at this point I will take it.
I've spend so much of my life stuck in various mental health issues and for once in my life I feel like I'm on the right track to a happy and positive life. I just feel good overall despite what struggles I do face. To be honest, it does feel a little weird but I am not complaining. I am trying to make the best of each of every moment. That doesn't meant there aren't challenges...oh there are plenty of them... I'm just in a space were I am able to learn how to cope with them in a healthier positive way.
I'm taking baby steps. Doing a little bit at a time to make progress. I remember someone once said that slow progress is real progress and I never use to understand that but I do now and it is so true. Things didn't all turn to crap all of a sudden and they won't all be good all of a sudden but a little bit by a little bit they are changing for the better.
I'm still only taking 20mg of Prozac. I'd like to get off it altogether but I don't think right now is the right timing. Considering 3 months ago I was taking 60mg and wasn't finding it all that helpful I'm happy. I'm off the sleep meds (Trazadone and Clonazepam altogether). I am getting sleep. It's not during the hours I want it to be and it's not the quality I want it to be but it is sufficient. I'm just happy that it isn't medicated anymore. I've started taking Vit D but haven't noticed anything different and have also started taking probiotics. I've done 30 days of a very basic workout that I found online on pinterest. Today will be day 31. I've been making changes and am starting to get things accomplished around the apartment and am happy about it. No I'm not getting as much done as I'd like but I'm making progress and that's all I can ask for at this point.
My mom said to me today words that I don't remember ever hearing before. She said she is proud of me. She is proud of me because of how well I am doing and for making good choices and trying to better myself. She no longer seems to freak out that I'm living in a place that has a bad reputation and that if I move in the future it will likely be to another area that doesn't have a good history...unless my income changes significantly. I think she is starting to realize that just because I live in a not so good area doesn't mean I'm going to make bad choices and fall into the bad crowd. And just because I live in a so-called "good" area doesn't mean I'm going to make good choices.
I really really needed to have my own apartment, my own space to be independent, and I really needed to have Miss Ebony Rose. The perfect amount of independence and responsibility. I think if I didn't have her I wouldn't be doing nearly as well as I am. She has saved me from myself and the rut I was in. I have someone to answer to who I don't mind answering to. I don't feel resentful like I do if it was a roommate or family member.
Anyway... I'm just feeling sentimental and kinda crazy in a good way...and overwhelmed with the changes. I cry on an almost daily basis when I look at how much has changed.... and I am just so so so thankful to be were I am on this journey of life.
Things are going surprisingly well these days. I'm often overwhelmed at how well things are going and spend a lot of time reflecting on all the changes over the past year. I can't believe the difference between then and now.
This time last year I was living in supportive housing...basically a community centre with other women and children. Basically I had to share an apartment with up to 3 other people and participate in regular programs. It was an experience but it wasn't for me and it didn't give me the opportunity I needed to get on track with my mental health. In fact, looking back, I think it kept me stuck in my way of coping. That said, it was still a learning experience and I don't regret it. At this time last year I never thought I'd have my own apartment, be doing well, and have an adorable furry black kid...errr...kitty.
Last year, if you count moves between shelters, and moving from one apartment to another I had moved somewhere around 8 times. My goal for this year... not moving at all! I feel stable for the first time ever...and I don't want to do anything to change that at the moment. Sure I might not live in the safest area and I have some very strange and somewhat dangerous neighbours but at this point I will take it.
I've spend so much of my life stuck in various mental health issues and for once in my life I feel like I'm on the right track to a happy and positive life. I just feel good overall despite what struggles I do face. To be honest, it does feel a little weird but I am not complaining. I am trying to make the best of each of every moment. That doesn't meant there aren't challenges...oh there are plenty of them... I'm just in a space were I am able to learn how to cope with them in a healthier positive way.
I'm taking baby steps. Doing a little bit at a time to make progress. I remember someone once said that slow progress is real progress and I never use to understand that but I do now and it is so true. Things didn't all turn to crap all of a sudden and they won't all be good all of a sudden but a little bit by a little bit they are changing for the better.
I'm still only taking 20mg of Prozac. I'd like to get off it altogether but I don't think right now is the right timing. Considering 3 months ago I was taking 60mg and wasn't finding it all that helpful I'm happy. I'm off the sleep meds (Trazadone and Clonazepam altogether). I am getting sleep. It's not during the hours I want it to be and it's not the quality I want it to be but it is sufficient. I'm just happy that it isn't medicated anymore. I've started taking Vit D but haven't noticed anything different and have also started taking probiotics. I've done 30 days of a very basic workout that I found online on pinterest. Today will be day 31. I've been making changes and am starting to get things accomplished around the apartment and am happy about it. No I'm not getting as much done as I'd like but I'm making progress and that's all I can ask for at this point.
My mom said to me today words that I don't remember ever hearing before. She said she is proud of me. She is proud of me because of how well I am doing and for making good choices and trying to better myself. She no longer seems to freak out that I'm living in a place that has a bad reputation and that if I move in the future it will likely be to another area that doesn't have a good history...unless my income changes significantly. I think she is starting to realize that just because I live in a not so good area doesn't mean I'm going to make bad choices and fall into the bad crowd. And just because I live in a so-called "good" area doesn't mean I'm going to make good choices.
I really really needed to have my own apartment, my own space to be independent, and I really needed to have Miss Ebony Rose. The perfect amount of independence and responsibility. I think if I didn't have her I wouldn't be doing nearly as well as I am. She has saved me from myself and the rut I was in. I have someone to answer to who I don't mind answering to. I don't feel resentful like I do if it was a roommate or family member.
Anyway... I'm just feeling sentimental and kinda crazy in a good way...and overwhelmed with the changes. I cry on an almost daily basis when I look at how much has changed.... and I am just so so so thankful to be were I am on this journey of life.
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WOOT! It let me post! I had hit enter and it went to an error page so reloaded and it was gone... so hit back button like 5 times and it went back to the page I had written on and it let me hit send again... I can breath again! Ahaha! I hate technology sometimes but so happy it finally let me post!