Feel today like I'm crashing.  I'm doing not so great things to keep myself distracted from the situation I'm in and am feeling like hurting myself.  I'm not only smoking cigarettes but now weed as well.  I'd rather the weed an not the cigarette's...but I'm trying to not get to that point.  I'm also drinking.  These things are only replacing my other coping methods of cutting and od'ing which right now it seems like the more acceptable way to go. 
I have a boyfriend now.  He's not a smoker (of cig's or weed) so he's not really impressed.  He does drink occasionally.  He's a fair bit older then I am but we've known each other since 2006 so while my family doesn't really approve I don't think it's that big of a deal.  I just miss being held and loved and wanted.  Probably not the best reasons for having a boyfriend but I like him too and we get along for the most part.  There's a few area's we are definitely not on the same page as each other and that bothers me a bit.
I'm going to go lay down.  I'm really edgy today and been awake since 6:30am and been to programs and done laundry.  I just need a rest. 



Sometimes life is hard and we all have those days when it tires us out. I\'ll be praying for you.