Am starting to feel like I'm slipping...and I'm not liking it. It's 1:45am...and it's been an emotionally rollercoastery couple of days. I think just hormones and the stress of moving and settling into a new place and knowing that I'm moving again Oct 1...and the fact one of my best friends is moving away...it's just all catching up with me. I really just want to pull away.
The other day I had an appt with my psychiatrist...I got a call when I was on the bus on my way and I was 30 min late...I thought I still had 30 min. That's what started my downward spiral. Had an appointment with the doctor at the sleep lab and it was basically a waste of time. Basically they just said it's something I have to deal with and that I'm doing the right things. That's good I guess but frustrating. I know my sleep has improved but I know it's not what it should be and it has such a huge impact on everything. So for some reason that really upset me. I know I'm over-reacting but I can't seem to help it.
Then after the appt I was walking down a hallway at the hospital and someone passed out...I was the only one with them. They were totally out. So I had to run to find someone because that was the one hallway I couldn't find an emergency intercom thingy. So a med student came by and he went to keep an eye on her and I had to get someone else to call security and they said the paramedics had to be called. It was crazy. So...anyway...eventually the ambulance and paramedics arrived and took her to the ER...which is pretty much in the same building...so it's totally insane that it was such a big deal. So got a huge boost of adrenaline then...which is understandable but the rollercoaster of emotions is not so good. And I've just been feeling out of it ever since.
Super drained, just want to crawl away and hide, feel like cutting and od'ing, have thoughts of wanting to die...and I don't know why it's all hitting me so much and so out of the blue. I had put on praise music and had a nap but didn't feel any better after waking up. And I can't stop crying. I know it's okay to cry but right now I am not feeling like it's okay and it just makes me want to give in to the thoughts even more. I don't know what to do.
The other day I had an appt with my psychiatrist...I got a call when I was on the bus on my way and I was 30 min late...I thought I still had 30 min. That's what started my downward spiral. Had an appointment with the doctor at the sleep lab and it was basically a waste of time. Basically they just said it's something I have to deal with and that I'm doing the right things. That's good I guess but frustrating. I know my sleep has improved but I know it's not what it should be and it has such a huge impact on everything. So for some reason that really upset me. I know I'm over-reacting but I can't seem to help it.
Then after the appt I was walking down a hallway at the hospital and someone passed out...I was the only one with them. They were totally out. So I had to run to find someone because that was the one hallway I couldn't find an emergency intercom thingy. So a med student came by and he went to keep an eye on her and I had to get someone else to call security and they said the paramedics had to be called. It was crazy. So...anyway...eventually the ambulance and paramedics arrived and took her to the ER...which is pretty much in the same building...so it's totally insane that it was such a big deal. So got a huge boost of adrenaline then...which is understandable but the rollercoaster of emotions is not so good. And I've just been feeling out of it ever since.
Super drained, just want to crawl away and hide, feel like cutting and od'ing, have thoughts of wanting to die...and I don't know why it's all hitting me so much and so out of the blue. I had put on praise music and had a nap but didn't feel any better after waking up. And I can't stop crying. I know it's okay to cry but right now I am not feeling like it's okay and it just makes me want to give in to the thoughts even more. I don't know what to do.
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