So things haven't been going so well after all. I won't know for a couple weeks if I can move into that apartment or not with that lady as it depends on her daughter and son-in-law.  They're looking at a place and if they get it she's moving with them.  Which leaves me screwed again.
 
I've been super down and depressed.  It's taking 7-10mg of Ativan to even get a little drowsy.  I know that's horrible.  I'm not suppose to take more then 3mg.  In my head I can't stop thinking of how it'd just be easier if I was dead. 
 
Today is my nephews 19th bday.  I'm trying to hold out for him and hang out with him tonight and then I might go to the hospital. I don't know.  I really don't want to go to hospital...but I don't want to keep doing these stupid things to myself either unless it actually would kill me.  I wouldn't mind meeting my maker sooner rather then later.
 
Anyway...that's really about it.  Things are pretty much crap and I pretty much don't care.