i don't know why...but i cut today...and burned...i don't have any good reason for it...i'm not even sure that I "felt" like it....I just did it...
Oddly...I do know I "feel" like having a crap day which is more or less what I had but I don't understand why I "feel" like having one of those. I shouldn't want to feel that way. I confuse myself. I'm so full of conflict inside. Today was one of those I don't even want to try kind of days.
Is it wrong? I feel so hypocritical for allowing myself to have a day like that. I don't even want to go to church tomorrow but know I should. I'm just not sure I care...or that I have it in me....but I know that's no excuse. I guess we'll see what morning brings.
Oh well...at least I accomplished a couple things. I had my shower. I re-payed off one credit card and even went so far as to cut it in half. Once I know the payment has gone through I will call to cancel the card completely. That will bring me down to just one card. Which I should hopefully be able to pay off within a few months. There's less then $200 on there and without the other card payments it should be semi easy if I don't keep putting stuff on it.
Oddly...I do know I "feel" like having a crap day which is more or less what I had but I don't understand why I "feel" like having one of those. I shouldn't want to feel that way. I confuse myself. I'm so full of conflict inside. Today was one of those I don't even want to try kind of days.
Is it wrong? I feel so hypocritical for allowing myself to have a day like that. I don't even want to go to church tomorrow but know I should. I'm just not sure I care...or that I have it in me....but I know that's no excuse. I guess we'll see what morning brings.
Oh well...at least I accomplished a couple things. I had my shower. I re-payed off one credit card and even went so far as to cut it in half. Once I know the payment has gone through I will call to cancel the card completely. That will bring me down to just one card. Which I should hopefully be able to pay off within a few months. There's less then $200 on there and without the other card payments it should be semi easy if I don't keep putting stuff on it.
Replies
Sometimes it is hard to fight feeling depressed but the best thing we can do is be among people so we can\'t give in to those feelings. I know I can be having a terrible day but if I have to be someplace and talk to people it pulls me out of the funk whethter I want to be or not. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and walk out the door to church, don\'t let the darn devil win!
You are doing well with the credit issue - congratulations. Nicolle, is there someone from the church you can call before you cut or burn? I hope you are feeling better. xo