It's been one heck of a crazy rollercoaster of a week but I'm back on the upswing now.
The bug went away within a day or two of my last entry but I feel into a rut and withdrew and gravoled myself to sleep...just enough to sleep...and wake up and a little more to sleep some more....until Thursday when I woke up to major pounding at the door.
My mom called the police because she hadn't heard from me and so I woke up to a few officers and paramedics at my door. Convinced them I was okay...they did their checks and everything was good...and were going to leave but had to clear it with the ER doc who said given my history they had better bring me in. I was not happy but I went voluntarily since I know the drill. If I refused they would've had to arrest me under the mental health act and take me in anyway. So I figured I might as well just suck it up and go. Not happy at all. Got there and got triaged and registered and then remembered my protocol paper and thankfully I had it on me so took it to triage so I was able to go straight to see psychiatry instead of getting cleared by an ER doc first. Yes I did tell them about the gravol and the amounts...which were within limits.
Anyway I was not a happy camper...super upset at the whole situation and myself and my mom...but I do understand why she did what she did. I had my blackberry on me and so when I wasn't talking with anyone one of my new friends from church, who is also one of the leaders there, was talking with me and helping me not freak out. I was so scared I would be admitted the way the psych people were talking and I felt like I couldn't be honest about what's been going on the last few weeks spiritually without getting definitely admitted with a label of psychosis so my friend who goes to the church I could at least tell her that...and she understood. And she even offered to talk to the doctors if needed. So sweet of her.
Anyway...they decided I was telling the truth and I was fine (just really upset) and could go home but they wanted to do blood work first...thankfully they didn't make me wait for the results though. I'll get them tomorrow at my psychiatry appointment. They even covered the cost for a cab....but the cab company ticked me off. I called 3 different times from the direct taxi line phone at the hospital. Waiting a good 40 minutes...when I was told should only be 5-10 minutes max and finally talked a taxi driver that was dropping off someone else into droving me home. Which I later regreted because he was creepy trying to find out all this personal information and hitting on me and saying next time we'll go for coffee. Uhmmm....was so glad to get out of that cab. Still kind of creeped out that he knows what building I live in. *shudders*
The extended meetings at church are now just Friday nights so I made sure to go this week and got up and went to church this morning as well. I really feel like I'm suppose to be at this church even though it's been hard for me to keep going. I'm starting to meet people now who are really on fire for the Lord and I think God is placing in my life to help me along with His plans and recovery.
My current facebook status pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now: "pretty much every day in the last few weeks I feel walls being broken and barriers crumbling down that I never even knew I had built up or had around me...and I'm feeling a little sad, and overwhelmed, and even a little joyful...and am starting to finally see the glimmer of hope that lets me know my past is no longer who I am as long as I keep pressing in...God please help me keep my eyes focused on You!"
The bug went away within a day or two of my last entry but I feel into a rut and withdrew and gravoled myself to sleep...just enough to sleep...and wake up and a little more to sleep some more....until Thursday when I woke up to major pounding at the door.
My mom called the police because she hadn't heard from me and so I woke up to a few officers and paramedics at my door. Convinced them I was okay...they did their checks and everything was good...and were going to leave but had to clear it with the ER doc who said given my history they had better bring me in. I was not happy but I went voluntarily since I know the drill. If I refused they would've had to arrest me under the mental health act and take me in anyway. So I figured I might as well just suck it up and go. Not happy at all. Got there and got triaged and registered and then remembered my protocol paper and thankfully I had it on me so took it to triage so I was able to go straight to see psychiatry instead of getting cleared by an ER doc first. Yes I did tell them about the gravol and the amounts...which were within limits.
Anyway I was not a happy camper...super upset at the whole situation and myself and my mom...but I do understand why she did what she did. I had my blackberry on me and so when I wasn't talking with anyone one of my new friends from church, who is also one of the leaders there, was talking with me and helping me not freak out. I was so scared I would be admitted the way the psych people were talking and I felt like I couldn't be honest about what's been going on the last few weeks spiritually without getting definitely admitted with a label of psychosis so my friend who goes to the church I could at least tell her that...and she understood. And she even offered to talk to the doctors if needed. So sweet of her.
Anyway...they decided I was telling the truth and I was fine (just really upset) and could go home but they wanted to do blood work first...thankfully they didn't make me wait for the results though. I'll get them tomorrow at my psychiatry appointment. They even covered the cost for a cab....but the cab company ticked me off. I called 3 different times from the direct taxi line phone at the hospital. Waiting a good 40 minutes...when I was told should only be 5-10 minutes max and finally talked a taxi driver that was dropping off someone else into droving me home. Which I later regreted because he was creepy trying to find out all this personal information and hitting on me and saying next time we'll go for coffee. Uhmmm....was so glad to get out of that cab. Still kind of creeped out that he knows what building I live in. *shudders*
The extended meetings at church are now just Friday nights so I made sure to go this week and got up and went to church this morning as well. I really feel like I'm suppose to be at this church even though it's been hard for me to keep going. I'm starting to meet people now who are really on fire for the Lord and I think God is placing in my life to help me along with His plans and recovery.
My current facebook status pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now: "pretty much every day in the last few weeks I feel walls being broken and barriers crumbling down that I never even knew I had built up or had around me...and I'm feeling a little sad, and overwhelmed, and even a little joyful...and am starting to finally see the glimmer of hope that lets me know my past is no longer who I am as long as I keep pressing in...God please help me keep my eyes focused on You!"
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