Title

Still don't know how I've managed to not give in.  It's not that I particularly want to give in...just that I miss it and spend 24/7 thinking about it.   The podiatrist is trying a treatment with the plantars wart called Canthacur.  They said it's what they have the most success with.  We'll see.  According to what they told me and what I've read about it I should be in a fair amount of pain at the moment because it's suppose to cause blistering.  So far it doesn't hurt at all...that makes me wonder if it's working or not.  I dunno...I go back in a week. I really do think the oxazepam is messing with my head but I am scared to stop it at night.  I really don't feel like I can safely tolerate any sleepless nights right now...but I know I need to get off them.  My judgement is becoming poor.  I'm fighting with myself to even take part of my dose of prozac...I cut it back a little..I know I shouldn't but it's the only way I can convince myself right now to take any of it.  And last night I took extra oxazepam...just one extra...because I really wanted to make sure I slept...which is the exact opposite of what I should be doing with it.  I hate that I'm basically outta options for sleep meds except for the benzo's which I think is making my depression and anxiety and crankiness worse.  I don't want to be here complaining.  I want to have days were I am feeling positive again.  But at the same time I'm tired of trying and fighting.   I do see my psychologist today.  I don't want to tell him everything though I know I should.  Anyway...I feel like all I'm doing here is complaining and like I should really just hush up...so I'm gonna get going.  Maybe I'll be able to talk myself into walking to my appointment.  Blech....I doubt it.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweety I\'m sorry ur feeling so bad. That thing about ur foot sounds painful, I hope they can get it fixed for u. I am where u are right now, I know struggling sucks. U wonder if its ever going to end. Depression has a funny way of sucking us under the bus and pulling us for miles. There will be better days. Try to find the blessing in today. I love u and I\'m praying for u....
keepingon
keepingon

Maybe you should just give the psy. a copy of your journal if you feel you can\'t speak up. I think it sounds clear enough.
Would good old Benadryl work to help you sleep? Just a thought.