It's about 2am and I'm just trying to wind down to sleep.  I decided to come out to my parents for a night or two...not to get away from my sick roommate but because I'm struggling so much with my thoughts and urges and crying for hours on end for no real reason that I thought maybe the change of scenery might do me good.  We'll see.  Mom and I picked up more things for my roommate before we headed out of the city and our neighbor in the building is really good and helpful and will be by later in the morning to do some things around the apartment for us...she was looking for a little extra money and Kim (my roommate) decided to hire her to clean our floors and bathroom...since she actually likes doing those things so it works out for everyone.  She's also been really good to Kim at comforting her physically with back and neck rubs.  So at least someone can be there for her...I sure wasn't much good in that department.  Pretty useless  Anyway...I'm at my parents so I'm going to have quality cat time and hopefully within a day or two will start feeling less of the yuckies.   I cut back the ativan a bit over the last few nights as well.  Tonight I took only 1.5mg...since it's not helping me a whole lot anyway figure I might as well work at stopping it...or at least taking a break from it.   Anyway...I'm actually getting too sleepy to type so that's a good sign.  It's nice to be in my bed at my much more comfortable and it's so much quieter here so I think that will help me with sleep too.