I don't know if it's the antibiotics, the wonky sleep, the ativan, and/or spiritual warfare but I'm feeling really bad tonight.  The last few hours I am having thoughts of killing myself (I'm not going to) and been crying for hours.  I really feel like cutting but I'm trying not to.  I'm frustrated with a lot of things right now and just feel really hopeless and awful.  I'm having a hard time reminding myself this will pass and am just really a mess right now.