Wow, is today ever a lazy day. I don't know if it's from the antibiotics but that's what I'm blaming it on. Or maybe I'm just laying low because my roommate has the flu and I don't want to disturb her...yeah that must be it. No, I really don't know. I don't do well around people with the flu (ie pukiness)...how did I ever work in an ER...lol. But I'm trying to be here for her if she needs anything even though I feel icky and wouzy when I know someone is sick. Mostly though I just have my headphones on and am blasting worship music and online sermons from lifechurch.tv to myself. I'm actually pretty thankful though for today. It's one year today that I was discharged from hospital. That's pretty big for me since my first admission when I was 19 I have never made it a year. I'm 27 (getting close to 28) now. Last night sleep was better then it has been. Because of the antibiotics I ended up staying up until after 1am...so I fell asleep close to the time I've been waking up. I was able to sleep straight through until 7am when my alarm went off to take another pill and then slept through again until almost 1pm when I woke up for my next dose and to stay up for the day. I am wishing I could be motherly to someone who is sick but I can't at this point. My poor roommate was just sick again and all I can bring myself to do is crank up the music in my headphones and start feeling nauseated myself. I want to be able to comfort her. She even said sorry for throwing up (she didn't make it to bathroom, just the pail that I put by the couch in case she couldn't) and I'm like don't be ridiculous...don't be sorry. It's not her fault she's sick and it's not my fault that I can't deal with it right now. I just wish that I had it in me to be that kind of friend but really it's hard enough for me to just stay in the same room....and I feel bad. I know I'll have to get over it someday to deal with it when I have kids...but I don't have kids now...and I'm not a mother. I feel bad though. I feel like a horrible friend. I've had friends pat my back and hold my hair when I'm throwing up and that meant so much but it's too hard for me.