It was another rough day but I made progress...though sleep has pretty much been thrown out the window at the moment.  It's 1am...I've been awake for all of 12 hours...if that. That said though, I have got some things accomplished today...so even though I'm struggling, if I compare how I feel today with a year ago, then I am leaps and bounds ahead.  There isn't really any comparison but knowing that still doesn't make this feeling down/depressed any less uncomfortable or any less awful...because regardless of where I was a year ago...I am where I am TODAY and today doesn't feel so good.   We got new furniture...well new to us...so I talked myself out of staying in bed all day and made it out to the living room to "try out" the couch.  I've pretty much been here all day...but I got out of my bed and out of my room.  I did dishes!  That doesn't sound like much but for me that's accomplishment.  I know there were at least a couple other things I accomplished as well but for the life of me I don't remember....I know I wasn't on the computer the "whole" time I was awake.  I will admit though I have been on the computer A LOT!  Too much...but it is my escape.  I joined up on SocialVibe...not because I need to be on any more social networking sites but because by completing a few activities on there helped to support a charity that means a lot to me...TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms).  If you'd like to help TWLOHA or another organization, they have some great ones, feel free to follow this link http://www.socialvibe.com/?r=721493  By using my link you will help me support them that much more because for every friend who signs up through me means I earn more points for the cause. On another note....Today...Tuesday, December 2, 2009 marks 157 days free from cutting!  While I don't particular want to advertise that fact too much yet...it is the longest I've gone without cutting since I've been tracking the days on DS.  I think maybe once in the last 10 years I might have made it 1 year but I'm not sure.  So yay!  My goal right now is to make it to the new year and then I re-evaluate the goal and set a new one. Also, it's been almost 11 months since my last hospitalization.  It was the first week (or second) of January the last time I was an inpatient.  Since my first hospitalization when I was 19 I have yet to make it to the 12 month mark so please pray that I make it.  I am trying and really don't want to end up back in the hospital unless it is absolutely necessary and would really love to make it to 12 months but I'm scared that the way the depression is setting in that it's going to be a real challenge to meet that 12 month mark.  I think I made it to 11 months once before so here's hoping for a miracle.