I know my parents love me and did the best they knew how in raising me...afterall they are human too...but today I'm feeling angry with them and resentful.  I know that's awful to say but it is how I'm feeling.   I feel like the main lessons in life I learned from them are how to be angry (Dad) and how to be critical (Mom).  I'm having a lot of trouble in these two area's right now and I feel like it's their fault...because they were suppose to be an example to me and what kind of an example is that.   Dad isn't so angry anymore...not so often anyway though he has his moments.  Mom still is very critical and is quick to give her opinion, to critisize, to find fault, to put down.  I tell her often that if she can't say something positive not to say it at all to me...but she quickly forgets.  It's just who she is...she doesn't do it to purposely hurt me (or anyone else) but she does it...often...and it does hurt.  I'm trying to learn how to not let it influence me but I fear it's too late and I'm having an awful time trying to change myself so I'm not like that to others...and I'm failing miserably at it. I feel also like prayer right now is just succeeding in making me angrier and more irritable...which is most likely meaning that I'm going through a spiritual warfare battle as well.  I don't want to not pray and not look to God but I almost feel like I have no choice but to look away because things are calmer and less of a struggle when I am not following Him.  I don't want Satan to win this battle though.  I'm really struggling.   How do you change things that are negative about yourself?  How do you stay focused on the Lord despite the trials?  How do you keep going when you feel most like giving up?  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

The only thing you can do is pray. I know you don\'t want to but praying your way through this is the only thing that will one keep you sain and keep your faith from tumbling. Read verses in the bible every day of those who have gone through what you have gone through. Write God a letter, tell him exactly what you told us in your journal entry. He cares, he knows whats best. Love ya, God Bless... Much love and HUGS
keepingon
keepingon

I understand how you feel this is your parent\'s fault...and it is. I had this same problem when I was your age. I met with a group of prayer friends and we worked on a series that used to be on pbs. Maybe you can find it on line now, it\'s called\" Bradshaw On: The Family\" (a revolutionary way of self discovery). by John Bradshaw. It is all about unwinding those\" parent tapes\" in our heads.
(This was before PC or DVD\'s). Anyhow, I prayerfully read each chapter, and cried, as I came to realize what made me into who I was...knowing that, I could finally wrestle my own demons, and change the way I reacted to life. It was a revelation to me. Maybe they have it online now and you could watch it, or get the book (same name), and work through it like I did.
I hope this helps.
Nan
PS: if this is too much, I\'m sorry I just want you to feel better, OK?
keepingon
keepingon

I understand how you feel this is your parent\'s fault...and it is. I had this same problem when I was your age. I met with a group of prayer friends and we worked on a series that used to be on pbs. Maybe you can find it on line now, it\'s called\" Bradshaw On: The Family\" (a revolutionary way of self discovery). by John Bradshaw. It is all about unwinding those\" parent tapes\" in our heads.
(This was before PC or DVD\'s). Anyhow, I prayerfully read each chapter, and cried, as I came to realize what made me into who I was...knowing that, I could finally wrestle my own demons, and change the way I reacted to life. It was a revelation to me. Maybe they have it online now and you could watch it, or get the book (same name), and work through it like I did.
I hope this helps.
Nan
PS: if this is too much, I\'m sorry I just want you to feel better, OK?
keepingon
keepingon

I understand how you feel this is your parent\'s fault...and it is. I had this same problem when I was your age. I met with a group of prayer friends and we worked on a series that used to be on pbs. Maybe you can find it on line now, it\'s called\" Bradshaw On: The Family\" (a revolutionary way of self discovery). by John Bradshaw. It is all about unwinding those\" parent tapes\" in our heads.
(This was before PC or DVD\'s). Anyhow, I prayerfully read each chapter, and cried, as I came to realize what made me into who I was...knowing that, I could finally wrestle my own demons, and change the way I reacted to life. It was a revelation to me. Maybe they have it online now and you could watch it, or get the book (same name), and work through it like I did.
I hope this helps.
Nan
PS: if this is too much, I\'m sorry I just want you to feel better, OK?
Ellocin
Ellocin

Thanks Nan! I looked it up but can\'t afford to get it at this time so will see if the library has it or can get it.