Since I last wrote...hmmm...I ended up going back to bed.  I just couldn't fight the thoughts and stuff so laid down and slept a little bit.  Non-medicated so was up at suppertime.  I went out with Mom for a drive and then got groceries.  Didn't get home until almost 11pm.  Now it's 3am and I should be sleeping, and plan to be soon, but just took awhile to wind down.   Drove out by where the fire was month or two ago.  Crazy is all I can really say.  It's so amazing and sad and strange.  The fire was huge but interesting.  It came so close to some homes but spared them, yet destroyed others.  It burned a lot of trees but skipped others and some were only half burned.  There's already green growth (ferns) popping up among the charred rubble and debris.  I wish I had taken my camera.  It reminds me of how God can bring life out the most dire of circumstance.  That said, I'm still having a hard time staying positive, more like just survival right now.  I feel a big tidal wave of depression looming over me but am trying not to let it have control over me...even though right now it would be easier to just let it take over.  I'm trying ot give it to God.  I really should know to do that by now but for some reason I just have such a hard time with it.    I have a doctors appointment later today with my regular doctor.  Odd appointment to have on a Sunday...but it is what it is.  Oh well.  Then need to look for a bday gift for my oldest nephew who will be 18 on Tuesday.  Where's the time go?!  Crazy how quick they grow.  Going to go head to bed now.  Try to sleep.