Didn't sleep much last night...so now I'm reading some inspirational emails and listening to inspiring songs on youtube.  Some I never heard before and they are really speaking to me.  I realized the last day or two that I haven't been living for God.  I had essentially pushed Him away and was trying to do things on my own, while allowing the enemy to get a foothold in my life again.  Sneaky little bugger he is.  Anyway, I came to realize that I don't like who I am or how I feel when that happens.  And ultimately it doesn't do me any favors...and it hurts those around me who I care about.  So, that said, I'm trying to refocus on my Savior and Lord.  I talked a little to Him last night while in bed and holding my bible to my chest and said "Lord, I know I don't read your word like I should but can You show me what it is that You know I'm needing to hear from You right now."  I opened to 1 Chronicles 5:11...and started reading.  What I was reading wasn't making sense...it was genealogical and I wondered how that was what I needed to hear.  I still don't know...but I sensed He wanted me to keep reading and to have patience...so I read further along.  A few times, I stopped and tried to go elsewhere to read but kept feeling to go back and read further.  Be patient.  So I read further, and when I got part way through 1 Chronicles 5:20 something stood out.   "...they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him." and a little further along in 1 Chronicles 5:22 "...the battle was God's." Those words served as a reminder that the battle, this life that I live, as long as I am on Earth, and/or until His return, is for God...not for me.  I'm in His army and it's His war and He is in control! But I need to TRUST in Him.  And that I haven't been doing.   He never promised this life would be easy, battles never are, but He did promise something better, something that is hard to even fathom.  Eternity in Heaven with Him.  And it will be infinitely better then the life I live here on Earth.  Eternity and infinitely.  Two words that truly are beyond my comprehension, when I really stop to think. I'm only 27, but my life to me already feels like it's been an eternity (by my definition) although I know that in reality that is only a very short time.  And infinite...that's beyond any number, or percentage, or quantity then I can even begin to come up with.  How awesome is that.  Take your happiest moment and multiply that by the largest number you can think of...that's a lot!  Kind of exciting I think.  Kind of gives me a new sense of hope.  Something to look forward to that I never really understood before.   That doesn't mean to stop striving to live the best and happiest life I can here...it just means I need to refocus how I'm going about it.  Focus on what the Lord needs and wants, trust in Him, and He will do the rest.  Not an easy feat for someone who would rather be in control...but something I'm going to work towards doing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izsakLlfmtY  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVK_I_yILbE