It's 1:45am but I didn't want to go to bed without first writing a little bit here.  It was a much better day then it has been. My roommate and I communicated better today and made ammends and it's back to more normal feelings around here now.  I made most of the phone calls I needed to, minus the housing related one.  I felt like the 3-4 phone calls I made today was enough were it's the first day feeling good again.   Progress was made and I just needed a day to enjoy feeling real again.   I have taken all the steps I can at this point to improve my finances and reduce my debt...the rest is just going to take time, discipline, and patience.  My overall monthly expenses may not change a whole lot, maybe slightly improve...but my debt should go down quicker now since I've managed to finally get a lower interest rate.  I also was able to clarify something about my income tax return that I wasn't sure about so I feel satisfied with that.  Basically my math didn't match up with their math when I filed my return but I know now where the error was...it was my error and I'm good with it.  I just wanted to know so I don't make the same error next year.   I've realized that as of right now, simply put...there is no way I can afford to live on my own.  Such housing...even in the worst area of the city costs more then I can afford.  I also know that if I can't live on my own and have to have a roommate I want the one I have now.  No one else.  My roommate now is like a sister to me.  Yes we have our moments but right now she is my best friend and I'm closer to her then my sisters in real life.  So that said I have a few options to look at and I'm going to look at each of them. I can look at seeing if I can qualify for a rent subsidy.  I'm going to do this regardless of whether I share an apartment or try to go for one on my own.  If I can qualify for even $5 of help a month at this point I'd take it.  It would mean I can treat myself to a coffee at Tim's a couple of times a month...and right now...just having the freedom to do that would be a blessing.  More likely it would go towards debt reduction or other necessity items like groceries or prescriptions.  Second and third....I can look at the options of co-op housing and public housing...both of which have long waiting lists and would mean I'd probably spend an undetermined amount of time back at my parents and then in shelters because I know I could only stay so long at my parents before it would be a bad situation.  I'll probably put my name back on the wait list for co-op housing....and I may put it on the list for public housing...I haven't decided yet.   Fourth, which is already in progress, since my current roommate said she'd rather not move if we can help it....is we're going to see if our landlord will agree to us going on a month-to-month lease instead of a yearly lease.  We have technically given our 3 month notice to quit but not legally so we are going to have to see what we can work out.  Otherwise we may be forced to move anyway (which is secretly what I'm hoping will happen) but if we can go month to month here than at least that will give some breathing room.   So that's basically the options I have right now.  If I can't have a place of my own, and don't want to have a different roommate, then that sort of means I have to accomodate to her wishes for living accommodations as well.  Yes, I'm frustrated, but I'm feeling better about it than I was.  I had just been super excited about us moving and now that's not a for sure thing....so that combined with other stressors really upset me.  It's better now.  I know my options, and the facts, and what I need to look into.  The rest is out of my hands and I have to either accept it and make the best of it...or not and feel miserable.  I'd rather the first of the two. Anyway....aside from that I've had a very bubbly can't stop talking kind of day...which oddly I think is kind of one of the side-effects I get from being on the Prozac.  I rarely ever had days like this in the past but being on the Prozac I usually have a few a week were I literally have to bite my tongue to be quiet...and I keep telling people I know I'm babbling so if you want me to be quiet just tell me to...because I can't seem to stop.  My roommate just laughs at me.  I'm not complaining...just stating that I've noticed this multiple times, thought it was just from feeling better, but then read something about the med that actually supports it as a side-effect.  I'll take it though.  The excessive thirst (moreso dry throat) I can do without but I'd rather deal with that then the depression. Oh...one other decision I made and I'm not sure I wrote about it or not but I decided against seeing that psychologist again.  I've decided, not only is it likely a bad personality match, but also bad timing.  I'm working on a few other of my stressors right now and starting with my rehab worker tomorrow (well...meeting for the first time anyway)...and to deal with that level of therapy right at this moment is not going to be help me.  I want to do it eventually but I need to be ready to do the work and right now...if one interview session can have the amount of impact on me that it did to the severity that it did then it's probably not a good time and would likely result in comprimised safety which right now is a higher priority to me to just keep getting through my usual stressors and tough situations that come up without coping in the ways I would have in the past. These last few days were a true test of that.  I didn't make all the right choices or do everything right and I did some things I wish I could take back and that were hurtful to others...but I didn't do what I've been doing for the past 13+ years and cut.  Right now for were I am today that is an accomplishment.  I'm not saying that I'm free from that by any means.  Just that I managed to stumble through one hurdle of what I'm sure will be many....but I know God is by my side each and every step of the way...even when I'm pushing Him away. Now that's it's 2:20am I think I'll end this up...and write again later today after my appointment with the rehab worker.