I can't seem to bring myself out of this depression that's consuming me lately. I know it got worse after seeing the psychologist the other day but I dealt with that. I know I was feeling more depressed then usual before that when I saw my pscyhiatrist but not as bad as I have been since the psychologist. I'm trying hard to get out of it but seems like the more I try the further down I fall. My roommate and I aren't fighting anymore but there's lots of tension. She's made her decision, I've made mine so now just have to put things into action. It's still a weekend so there is nothing I can do until tomorrow when offices open. I've tried sleeping, I've tried eating, I've tried being social, I've forced myself to do these things and have a shower despite having no energy. Breathing is a chore. The only good thing is I don't have any urges to self-harm and I'm not suicidal. Yes, I think about cutting and overdosing but more out of habit because it's what I'd normally do when I feel this way. I don't actually feel like doing it. I don't know why I have to feel this way but I guess there's a reason. I just have to wait and see and hope things don't get out of control.
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Hang in there. I\'m learning, sort of late I guess, that life\'s paths just aren\'t easy ones for most of us. I\'m not sure why society gives us the idea that life is a breeze -- it just isn\'t. = ( But, fortunately, I\'ve had some very smart people give me some good advice lately. = )
They said that the instant we feel _________ anything negative___________ to grasp it and say \"Lord, I rebuke this and give it to you and ask for your will over it.\" and also the phrase that I can\'t seem to ever forget: \"Lord I praise you for the solution you *already* have in mind for this problem.\" Those two things have been life changing for me and I hope they help you too. From your posts, it ounds like you are smarter than your issues -- good for you!
Today at church the sermon was on the vinedresser and the vine.
The vine dresser is God, the vine is Christ, and we are the offshoots on the vine.
It hurts to be pruned but God does it to us in Christ so that we will have greater fruitfulness, these hard times are those prunings. SO know that God knows better than us and thank Him for his loving care (even when it is hard).
I have to agree, many crisis in my life while horrible at the time have blessed me and made me grow into a better more fruitful person. Maybe this is one of those times. Hide under the wings of God.
Nan
Depression is like a festering wound, you have to open it up and let all the bad stuff out, cleanse it and then it heals. Sometimes when we talk with our shrinks and therapists it does stir things up and we feel worse but after a while we can feel better. And God said he\'d never leave us or forsake us and he sent the bunch of us to remind you. take care. good luck with the housing issue, room mates are a pain, I wouldn\'t want one for sure. And to quote ET: Be gooooooood. xoxo