1:40 am Well, there is good news.  The pesky little mouse is gone...it's sad but I didn't have to see it since my roommate got to it before I did.  I think it liked the bait in the trap the exterminator left better then the peanut butter I put in the other traps.  Other good news is that nasty fire is under control thanks to the heavy rain we had today and the work of the 100+ firefighters who were working to contain it.  Most of the evacuatees have been able to return home except for those on a couple of streets where the heaviest damage was.  8-10 homes were lost but no lives and that's what's important. Picked up my tent today and visited my sisters.  Also mom and I went shopping but I didn't end up buying anything.  I'm actually having a depressed irritable day again and can't get those awful thoughts out of my head that I should die.  I'm not planning to act on anything but just frustrated that those thoughts keep invading my mind.  I keep trying to counter the thoughts with positive ones to try to turn things around but I'm not doing very good at it.  And in my frustration I feel like cutting or burning but I know that's not a solution...just a coping strategy that no longer serves a purpose other then it is sort of a security blanket to me since it's what I've known for so long.  Well, just about ready to head to bed so hopefully the reflux/heartburn I'm feeling right now settles down enough that I can sleep.  Going to go take some gaviscon and call it a night.