Still not feeling better.  Ended up crashing on the couch at my apartment for awhile and then woke up all disoriented and confused.  Every little thing is just making me want to break down crying.  I had no idea that meeting this morning would have this affect on me afterwards.  I keep having thoughts off and on that I should kill myself and I have to reason with myself and say that no I shouldn't but doesn't make me feel any better.  I'm trying so hard to get things back into perspective and feel good again but just really struggling with it all today.  I'm going to ride it out though...I'm not going to give into the urges to cut or the urges to od.  I don't want that stuff to be part of my life so I have to make sure I don't give in.  I think for every time I want to give in that I get through without giving in hopefully will make it so that in the future it isn't such an automatic thing to do when I'm feeling the things I am.  Anyway, I don't even feel like I slept any which is weird since I slept a few hours on the couch...,.but I'm ready to get ready for bed and sleep.  Going to the valley tomorrow with family to celebrate my cousins birthday and then Thursday going to my parents church to a funeral service.  So the emotional stuff may continue for a few days yet.  But I know He'll bring me through, He'll give me strength....He always does.