If you read my last entry you'll even see a link at the end to a video I came across shortly after posting the entry that helped me and the verse that stood out.  It was like God wanted me to post that in order to find the answer and comfort I needed.  I think I had to learn not to hold what was really bothering me in.  Which I do...though most would never know since I talk about stressors often and have urges often.  Talking about the fact I have urges is relatively easy for me (as is financial struggles, roommate issues or whoever I'm living with at the time, mother/daughter arguements, etc)....in comparisson with talking about stuff that is really bothering me.  I've been taught so much of my life to keep quiet about different things and to care what people think so maybe that's why I talk about the urges instead...yes this stuff bothers me but not to the level some of the other things I hold in do....and never really knew it tell now.  Self harm is my way, I think, of sharing how much is bothering me...without actually dealing with what's bothering me.  Self harm and suicidal thoughts....I think...over the years has become my bandaid...my way of covering the wounds...and it's just not working anymore.  Okay...this is all stuff I never really thought of before but now I need to look at this.  The worst thing about sharing this though is it means I'm going to have to face the stuff that really hurts.  Get down to the real work.   Not sure if any of that made sense but it doesn't matter, it helped me realize some things.  At least I think it did.  It gave me something new to think about that is for sure. As for what went on today...didn't fall asleep until late last night and woke up early to construction on the road outside my apartment so loud.  Got up and had a semi-lazy day.  Started a new book, Shopaholic and Baby, which I bought while I was away.  Had a half decaf half hot chocolate...will buy instant coffee tomorrow at the grocery store.  Mom came in for supper, I put in a frozen pizza.  My dad made legs/feet or whatever you want to call them for the couch because it needed some...so mom and I put them on the couch, we did dishes and we went to the mall for a little bit and looked around and had some ice cream at Dairy Queen.   Going to watch Dan in Real Life and maybe Because I Said So too...or I may renew them and watch them another night....it's actually getting kind of late and I have to get up early tomorrow for 2 appointments.