Diamonds in the Dust, I've read up to and including Feb 19.  I'm trying to read ahead a bit because the book is a bit heavy to take on my trip...so I'm going to try to read most of what I would if I wasn't going away.  Then I won't be so behind when I get home. Also, updated my no cut/burn goal.  42 days.  It's been a hard 42 days...especially the last couple weeks.  I am struggling with urges more and more, especially the burning.  I'm trying not to give in.  I know I don't want to have that as part of my life anymore and I know the Lord can deliver me of it.  But it will be in His time, not mine.  I may still have lessons to learn...in fact I hope I will always be learning lessons. I had two appointments today.  I had physio.  I was late but I called them and let them know and they were okay.  I explained when I got there about the bad anxiety last night and that I needed extra medication to help and that I was still feeling it.  I was just really sedated feeling even when I got to physio I had a hard time keeping steady.  She could tell so she didn't keep me on the stability ball for long.   After phsyio I stopped at the optical to get my glasses cleaned and tightened up and as a bonus they changed the nosepads too so they look all pretty and new again.  Well they were, they need to be cleaned again already.  I don't know how they get so dirty.  After that I ran into a store called the Bargain Shop and quickly looked around.  Bought some vitamin water and started on my way to my appointment with my psychiatrist.  Got almost half way and realized I was probably going to be late so figured out a bus was going to be coming and that would get me there in time so I waited for the bus.  Went to see my psychiatrist.  It all pretty much went well.  Got prescription for prozac and on for ativan just in case I need it while I'm away.  Better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it.  One less thing to worry about.  Went to get the prescriptions filled and found out it would take an hour so I had lots of time to wait.  Went to Tim Horton's and treated myself to a coffee and cookie and read some of the Diamonds in the Dust while waiting.  Was an enjoyable way to spend some time.   Got the prescriptions and stopped at the post office to see if they could fax something for me, a lot of the post offices here will do that if you are willing to pay.  Apparently this one stopped so I had to walk to the mall and go to the one there.  Cost me $1.70 to fax one page!  Ah well.  It had to get done.  Went to the dollar store to pick up some wrapping paper to wrap a gift I got for my friend and her parents and looked around a couple stores.  Found a purse I liked and decided since mine is falling apart and this one is on sale that it would be better to get it now. Came home shortly after that and crashed for awhile...just relaxing...not sleeping.  Then got up and had supper and hung out a bit with my roommate.  She even gave me a card with some money in it and said here, this is for your trip...treat yourself to something fun.  Think she was trying to make me cry...nearly succeeded.  She got a great big hug for that.   Still haven't been able to take stuff to donations.  But I organized some of it a bit better.  They don't do pick ups for them here...so depending on what time I get up and ready and around tomorrow I may take one bag.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm not going to stress myself out over it.  It will get done when it gets done...preferrable before I go on my trip but if not it will get done when I get back. I'm feeling a little off again tonight...not bad anxiety like last night....but definitely irritible and edgy.  I've had urges off and on for burning.  I'm frustrated.  I don't want that a part of my life...but for some reason I can't shut it off.  I don't know what purpose it serves me anymore.  Doesn't make me feel better...except for maybe a minute.  But I feel worse for so much longer.  I just wish that the decision to stop would make the thoughts and urges stop too.  But doesn't seem to work that way.  *sigh*