I'm in a relatively calm state of mood at the moment.  Of course it's influenced a bit by alcohol and sedating suppliments...i know i know...you are not suppose to mix alcohol with valerian or melatonin....nor with ativan.  But I needed the ativan and when I took that I had no intention of drinking more then a small glass of wine....needless to say I didn't stick to my limits and foolishly went overboard.  *shrugs*  Ah well...kinda feels good for a change...a little.  I just wanted to log in and say that I ended up fighting those awful urges to burn.  I guess it sort of became the story of the lessor of the evils but it worked for me for tonight.  Now I'm going to try to wind down for bed.  It's 1:40am and hopefully I will wake up in time for appointments and such.  I did put calls in although who knows what I said to the place I have an apointment.  I think I said stuff came up, that I was planning on doing my best to get there, but if they had someone that could definitely get there to take them and just call me and let me know....otherwise I will do what I can to get in but no guarantee.  Something along those lines.  I just have a feeling like I needed to take that precaution tonight.  Anyway...I'm about ready to fall over and crash.  I need a whole ton of hugs and encouragement I think right now.  Satan is trying his hardest to try to bring me down and I am not going to let him that easily.  My God is so much bigger then he is.  So if you pray for me, please continue to do so.  I hope I am not sounding selfish.  I just need as many people helping me in this battle as I can.  God hears all prayers.