I'm feeling tired and grumpy today.  I had another rough night despite the valerian.  Yeah okay it made me a bit dopey but not enough to sleep.  I tossed and turned for 5 hours before falling asleep.  Oh...plus got up what seemed like every 5 seconds to use the washroom.  I don't know what's with my bladder lately...I didn't have much to drink...actually probably had less then usual.  So besides the valerian I tried adding more blankets, then less blankets, listening to relaxation music, tried every position I know that I might be comfortable enough to sleep in and then some, put in the earplugs, put a sweater on, took the sweater off, tried reading, put the sweater over my head (to make it darker...did not block airflow), tried praying and talking to God, tried to trick myself into thinking it was just a nap, and a handful of other things.  I'm so frustrated.  And I had urges so bad....to the point I almost gave in.  I don't want cutting or burning to be part of my life...especially with how severe it got a month ago....but I'm getting desperate for a good night sleep.  To the point of contemplaiting od'ing just to sleep.  I know that's horrible.  I don't want to do it...but I just ache for a good night sleep.  The depression caves in around me at night and it's hard to function during the day.  I know God is good, He'll bring me through this or bring an answer.  I just hope His timing is sooner rather then later.  *sigh*