I'm having a rough night.  I'm not sure why.  I have been feeling so good lately but I'm having a hard time still with sleep and I think it's getting to me.  I took some oxazepam tonight to try to help me sleep even though I hate the stuff.  I just can't handle another sleepless night.  I have physio tomorrow and I haven't done any of the exercises I'm suppose to.  I don't want to go.  I don't want to bother.  I just want to lie in bed and cry.   No...that's not what I want...I want to feel happy again.  Was I really happy?  Or was I just wearing a mask again and lying to myself and everyone else.  God, I know I said I'd pick up my cross and carry it but why do I have to feel this way so much.  It's so hard.  I guess you're trying to teach me to lean on you, not keep trying to do it my way.  Is that why?  It just hurts so much to even breath tonight with the depression caving in around me.