6:45pm.  Back is in pain still but since it's snow storming and I did as much as I could handle putting away the Christmas decorations...half done probably...I decided to watch a movie.  I FINALLY got around to watching Juno.  Great movie, probably not the type my mom would like, but I loved it.  It made me feel good and loved the soundtrack despite not really knowing any of the music.  Though I am definitely going to look up the soundtrack online and see what I can find on youtube.  Ellen Page reminds me so much of the receptionist at my doctors office (so much, I was distracted the whole movie by it) and being that Ellen is from here I'm nearly convinced they are related...if not sisters.  I don't know...they just look and sound almost identical.   Logged into Second Life earlier, before the movie, and unmuted my therapist (well not sure I'm going to continue seeing her but anyway that's besides the point)...didn't clue in that would let her know I was online as I didn't edit that option before removing her from my friends list.  It's okay though, she apologized.  I wasn't ready right then to forgive but I knew I had to...just needed a bit of time.  Anyway, logged back in after the movie and sent her a message saying yes I forgive her and that I am sorry as well.  I am, I know I haven't exactly been the most pleasent to deal with lately and get upset and triggered by the stupidest things.  Like tonight...I went out to the kitchen to get some food (trying to eat) and noticed that the cookie my roommate said she made for me a few days ago was gone.  I said I would eat it when my appetite is a little better...which it still isn't...but I saw it gone tonight and I got upset (she wasn't right around so didn't take it out on anyone).  Not upset so much that she ate it, but upset with myself for just feeling upset about it.  Stupid, I know.  I'm so sensitive to things right now it drives me nuts.  I know I'm hard on myself with some things and not enough with other things and it's driving me nuts as I'm sure it is everyone else.  I need to relearn things and it's not easy.  But I do want to change...it's just so hard to change the whole way you think...if it was just one thing it wouldn't be so bad...or if it didn't affect my life so much...but it does.  Everything I do feeds into everything else and I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle I've been in for what seems like forever now.  I'm tired of it.  But I know it's not something that will change overnight.  I have to work on it.  And I have to start being good to myself.  But that's going to be hard...and one hell of a rocky journey that I have to do for myself but can't do on my own...if that makes any sense.   Well, that's basically it. I gotta start making changes.