Feeling like a grinch this year...just wanting to postpone Christmas for a bit.  I hate feeling this way and it's so hard to get motivated to do anything.  So then I start the cycle of feeling bad for feeling bad...and well that just doesn't help with getting anything.  *shrugs* I am done all the major shopping...maybe just odds and ends like gum, chocolate, chips...things like that...fillers basically.  I can do that tomorrow or Tuesday though.  The challenge right now is getting all the gifts together and start wrapping them.  Uggghhhh....where are the elves when ya need them?  LOL.  My ankles and wrists are kinda aching...but I'm thinking it's because of the weather.  We're suppose to get a storm tonight.  Nothing exciting because it's all suppose to change to rain before it's over and done with.  I'd love it just to snow...JUST SNOW...no rain.  *sigh*  I guess I still haven't accepted I don't control the weather, lol. I finally got my candy cane hot chocolate from Tim Hortons.  I've had two now...but I always find hot chocolate too sweet so I mix mine with half coffee.  It's perfect that way. Friday my friend....ok...it was my ex...but we're friends...his wife even has me on her Christmas card list...we went shopping and to dinner.  It felt a little date-like at times...but it wasn't...just friends hanging out.  It was fun...and he made being at the stores bareable..I don't think he realizes how much of a help he was.  He's the easiest person to go shopping with ever....lol.  Plus always a bonus...he has a car.  That makes things A LOT easier when you're going from store to store...these ones are kinda like outlets...but not...so we had to keep going back outside to go to the car and drive to the next one.  If I was walking/busing I'd have to lug everything everywhere.  Anyhow...it was a treat.  LOL.   Yesterday, Saturday....I didn't really do anything.  I was feeling so depressed and overwhelmed...I couldn't get motivated.  So I managed to do about 3 Christmas cards...that's it.  I was so overwhelmed I just felt like I'd be better off dead...I know it's the bpd thinking....thankfully the urges weren't anything major.  I'm like..you're already grincy enough this year....don't do anything stupid...you don't want to spend Christmas in the hospital...and how would the family feel then.  So I'm basically just trying to hold myself together for them.  But it's hard.  I just wish Christmas wasn't for another 2 months...that should be long enough for the meds to work and be feeling good...hopefully.  I hope these ones end up working.  I start them tomorrow evening.  Trying to have faith that these ones will be the ones.  And just concentrate on survival in the meantime. Anyway...I should go try to do something productive.