i don't know how i feel really...i feel depressed but aggitated...i've only been able to leave my bed once today...that was to use the washroom and get a fresh glass of water...which i haven't even touched in hours.  Breakfast/Lunch was some raisins and a coffee crisp bar...that's what i already had in my room....and supper is more raisins and a box of smarties...because that's what i already have in my room.  i wouldn't eat at all except that i need to for the meds.  I don't know why i bother...they obviously aren't working for me.  The anxiety is gone by the depression is back with a vengence.  I'm almost completely isolating....and basically just giving into the depression...which i know is wrong...but I don't have it in me to fight it.  I don't even have the energy to pick up the lighter and burn...which is just as well...i don't have the urge so it would be stupid to.  I've only answered the phone once.  My mom I am not taking calls from right now...she just keeps saying things that makes me feel worse.  I haven't seen my roommate...she's home...but i refuse to be seen by anyone.  She's got company anyway...a jam session going on....which normally I'm cool with...but it's really pissing me off tonight.  All day when she's been home she's been singing and playing around and i just feel like yelling and strangling her and everyone.   I know it sounds horrible.  That's partially why it's better if I just stay in bed and isolate myself from the world.  I wasn't going to write here..but decided I should at least put in one entry...and I'm on SL...but there's very few I'm willing to talk to right now.  I want to go out and drink so bad...I'm suppose to have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow so I decided if I actually go to that then I can go to the liquor store after...reward for not going all weekend.  Plus I imagine the meds will be stopped and have to do a clean out period before trying anything else.  Damn MAOI's.....I don't even want to bother with meds anymore.  Like what's the fucken point...really.  The only good thing about the depression is I have no energy or motivation to do anything....so my safety and others is safe.  If I had energy I'd probably try to figure out how to die...maybe go back to trying to figure out a hanging situation...I dunno.  I tried that before...I'm still here.