hmmm...yeah i was in a crap mood when i wrote earlier...wow...just reread it.  Crazy. Closing a file means that for the time being they are no longer willing to work with me.  It doesn't mean someday down the road that a new file can't be made...it just means that for now it's one less option, one less positive option, in my trying to become a productive member of society.   With the med situation the way it is right now I'm not able to drive...nor would I be able to borrow the car if I could anyway.  Half of the day I spend with one eye shut because I see double from the clonazepam.  Something tells me driving a motorized vehicle...or heck...even a stand on scooter at this point might end in something dangerous.  As I sit here typing, I have my usual one eye closed.   I had my appointment today with Rheumatology.  It went well overall although she isn't happy to hear about the treatment I've been receiving with my mental health and she isn't happy that no one has called even once to see if it could somehow in some way be related to the "lupus-like condition" which it's probably not...but she isn't impressed just the same.  Especially where my overdose was on a medication that she prescribed.  Anyway, it is what it is.  She did however get the report from genetics (I called genetics this morning requesting to make sure she got a copy if at all possible before my appointment...and hey, they actually listened).  According to the report the wee little issue with my chromosome makes me more suceptible to autoimmune and hormone disorders.  Hmmmm.   Anyway...we're going to do another lupus workup load of bloodwork which I will probably do tomorrow while I'm near the bloodclinic. This morning I also called another support worker...at a youth and young adult drop in type center that I recently re-registered for.  I had previously aged out (turned 26) but in the last few months they changed the age limit to 30 so I rejoined.  I explained the bus situation and she was so kind and gave me have a sheet of bus tickets so that should help get me through at least another week of appoitnments and hopefully a little further.  Ironically though, she met me for coffee to give me the tickets...and forgot to bring them with her so I decided to walk down to the "house" with her and get them.  I ended up hanging out, doing a little art, and staying for supper and then doing a goal setting group....which was basically pretty simple.  We were going to watch Pursuit of Happiness but most of us decided we would rather get home since it is dark and rainy and cold out.  We'll do that another time.  I'm glad I went down.  I wasn't going to...groups kinda freak me out.  But well...this is a place for those ages 16-30 with mental health issues so I guess I kinda fit the bill.   Anyway...I'm home now...and kinda tired....and just going to relax.  I have an appointment tomorrow with my regular doctor to get the stitches removed and to get a complete exam of my back, neck, and shoulders....kind of a bad time for her to tell when the anxiety practically has me twisted into a pretzel (not kidding....my MH nurse said after seeing me she was gonna need massage therapy herself just from seeing how the anxiety is affecting me physically).   Anyway...I've made it...almost....through one day.  And considering when I left home earlier I wasn't sure if I was planning on making it through I'm doing okay.  I didn't feel better until I got down to the "house" so I guess it's good I went.