i did end up being able to meet with my online therapist for awhile longer then i thought and it helped.  I shared one of my letters to God with her...and I think that helped her see why I struggle so much with my faith and just handing things over to God.  I have felt better since I talked to her.  Previous to talking to her though I saw my roommates lighter (for candles) and burned. I also had a bit of a rest this evening on the couch but am still kind of sleepy and it's almost 9pm and i don't have the energy to find something for supper.  Sounds horrible but I don't even know if I have the energy to dish out a bowl of ice cream....how pathetic is that.  I'm kind of too tired to write...so I'm going to go for now.