i'm not really doing so well and contemplating a trip to the ER....the last place I really want to go...but I'm not sure at this point I have any other options....i'm cutting too much and too deep...and making a mess of myself...and i don't know how to snap out of it.  Partially I'm not sure I want to snap out of it....but I know I need to...and right now it's the best option I know.  So if you don't hear from me for a few days...that is why.  Don't be alarmed....not that you would be...but well....if you are know that I have decided to get help...again....or at least try....the mental health system here sucks.