Dear God,How am I suppose to trust you?!  I know I've been told You never leave us...but well...I've rarely felt/seen you here.   How am I suppose to trust someone who I don't know?  And how do I get to know You if I don't trust You?  See the dilema here?   I never wanted to be put on this earth...I didn't ask for it...I hate the fact I was ever born...and yet according to You it's suppose to be a GOOD thing I'm here?  Why?  Why is it a good thing for me to be here and to feel the way I do and constantly struggle when I see everyone else who seems to be having such a good time and can get up out of bed and walk to kitchen and not feel as if it's a chore.  Right now, breathing, yes breathing...is a chore.  How is it fair that other people can live so freely and happily and easily...and yes I know I have a lot to be thankful for because it can always be worse.....but how is it that others are able to do so much...and it's just so much effort to even try to put one foot in front of the other or to think a positive thought.   You created all creatures right...well have I not heard that ravens represent death...and yet You keep placing them in my path everywhere I go.  To be reminded that I am destined to death...which to be honest I don't think would be all bad right now.  But would You get it over with already.  If I'm suppose to die would you just let me die.  According to medical professionals I shouldn't be living...so what kind of cruel trick are you playing.  I think I'm the only dead chick living in the world right now....just stuck in this body that won't stop living.  Why can't you stop my heart.  You nearly did just over a year ago...and that wasn't even from my own doing...why didn't you just let me die.  I can't live right...and I can't die right.  And I am not sure what to do.  I don't trust You right now to give it to You...I don't have faith that it would even do any good.  And on top of that, I'm losing hope that there is even a chance of getting better.  I seem to be doing a good job at getting worse though. Why did you create me?  What purpose did/do You have for me?  Surely there is something other then this.  There's already enough people on this earth suffering...You really didn't need to create one more.  Not that I'm telling You how to do Your job since apparently you KNOW IT ALL.   I really do want to love You...but right now...I can't.  I never realized that I was angry and mad at You until I started writing this letter.  I thought I was angry at the world...now I realize it's not the world I'm angry at...it's You...because You created the world.  And I'm mad that I have to live in it.  I know You didn't create sin, but You did allow free will...and right now to me that is just as bad.  If You are more powerful then Satan...why the hell can't You just get rid of him so everyone can be happy?!    Well, this isn't really how a "date" is suppose to go.  But I am drinking coffee....and I am writing to You (communicating at least) which is probably the only way it's going to work at all right now.  I sure wish I could see you face to face...or have you reply to this letter...or something....it would make trusting You, having faith in You, and having hope a heck of a lot easier. ***HUGS*** Take care and blessings,Nicolle