every day a battle, a challenge just to take another breath i had a hair appointment today...i should've enjoyed it...usually i feel like a movie star by the time I'm done...this time I couldn't care less...it was a chore...i don't think i looked at it more then twice since i've left the salon...*shrugs*  Usually I want to show it off to everyone.  It's not that I don't like it...I really do...I loved it when she showed me...it's just right now I don't really care. i'm really struggling today with even having the will to live...can't live right...can't die right either...i never should've called for help a few weeks ago. i had to cancel my occupational therapy appointment for tomorrow...i just can't face it.  She said I cancelled too much so she's closing my case.  Maybe we will try again in the new year.  I dunno.  Instead now I have an emergency appointment my mental health nurse.  I requested it.  I don't know what else to do.  I really just feel like giving in and dying...but that doesn't work for me so well...I'm still here.  I get stupid and change my mind....when really I should just let the meds do their thing and kill me.  Those ones would've.   I am sleepy...so I am going to go to bed.  I am back tto burning on a regular basis multiple times through the day.  It helps keep me going when nothing else seems to work.