every day a battle, a challenge just to take another breath i had a hair appointment today...i should've enjoyed it...usually i feel like a movie star by the time I'm done...this time I couldn't care less...it was a chore...i don't think i looked at it more then twice since i've left the salon...*shrugs* Usually I want to show it off to everyone. It's not that I don't like it...I really do...I loved it when she showed me...it's just right now I don't really care. i'm really struggling today with even having the will to live...can't live right...can't die right either...i never should've called for help a few weeks ago. i had to cancel my occupational therapy appointment for tomorrow...i just can't face it. She said I cancelled too much so she's closing my case. Maybe we will try again in the new year. I dunno. Instead now I have an emergency appointment my mental health nurse. I requested it. I don't know what else to do. I really just feel like giving in and dying...but that doesn't work for me so well...I'm still here. I get stupid and change my mind....when really I should just let the meds do their thing and kill me. Those ones would've. I am sleepy...so I am going to go to bed. I am back tto burning on a regular basis multiple times through the day. It helps keep me going when nothing else seems to work.