so i eventually got back to sleep and got up for my appointment...never did hear anything from my roommate....until i got home and sent another message seeing if she got the message....now we're in a full out arguement i guess.  It's looking like it's best if I apply to public housing on an emerg basis and get out.  Even she said that.  I tried to explain everything as nice as I could and say that I know it's not so much her....because I know she does so much...it's me...I don't feel like I can come anywhere close to measuring up and it makes me feel like a failure as a human to be here.  But she's not seeing it...she's seeing the things I point out that are minor little things that are bugging me and not seeing that I don't really see that as a problem so much with her...as with my thinking.  That I am feeling bad for even letting these things bother me.  I wrote it as clear as I did just right there.  But I guess she's the type who has selective reading.  I dunno.  I should just learn to never open my mouth.  I'm such a horrible person.  Right now I'm wishing i never called the police on myself a few weeks ago and that I ended up dead.  But then I had to go and get rid of those meds...if I still had the rest I could do me in for good.  I just wouldn't tell anyone this time.  I'm so mad.  I just know the world would be better without me.