so...i took my meds...the clonaz and the oxaz...and went to bed about an hour or two earlier then usual.  Ended up waking up wide awake at 11:45pm....what the hell is with that...couldn't even make it to the next day for frig sakes.  So since my roommate and I were kind of arguing earlier I wrote her a big long message and sent it to her to get some of the things going on in my head to stop going around in my head.  I would've prefered to have been able to say them outload but wlel....it just hasn't happened and the tension has been building and building and not getting better so I did what I felt right for us at the time.  She thinks I'm mad at her...which was the other reason I needed to send it.  To clear that up...I'm not mad at her at all.  There are many things that annoy me that I think of as just nit-picky things and that I shouldn't even bother mentioning...but if they are eating me up inside then why keep biting my tongue and let the anxiety grow....so I brought them out in the open in the least threatening way I could.  I said this stuff I feel is barely worth mentioning yet is eating away at me inside...I can't bring myself to say it outloud because it makes me feel so bad for even thinking these things and like I'm a lesser human because of them...and that I don't mean any of it as attacks on her.  Anyway it was a long message and I tried to keep it fact based and on how I feel...and not as an attack on her (in other words I tried to be careful with my wording).  I do feel better.  Now if I could back to sleep it would be even better.  Since I have to wake up in a few hours for that stupid dental appointment.  Anyway...I'm kind of curious to when she will read that and respond....I hope in a way she gets to before she goes to work.  I know she wakes up early enough...but it was a long message were I poured out a lot.  Not even all that was on my mind...just a lot.   Earlier today I had to call my MH nurse I was feeling so awful.  And she picked up on it enough to ask if I needed to go to the hospital.  I said I don't have time for that.  I think I may have already written about that earlier...so I won't now.  Okay...so now I've been awake for 1 hour. What should I do to get back to sleep.  I took an extra dose of the oxazepam because I hadn't taken a full dose...should I take an ativan too before it gets too late.  I hate needing the meds but I really don't know what to do.  How do you wind down and go to sleep when you know you gotta get up and go to the dentist.  Blech.  Even though hey...my dental student is a cutie.  Hmm...is it possible I am excited and not nervous?  Haha...no...I just want to sleep and wake up and not miss it.  That's all.  I am feeling more relaxed then awhile ago...and I think sending that note to my roommate helped.  Let out some of the tension and things that have been building and were at the verge of coming out in a negative way.  I think she'll be okay but will probably wish I got it out of my head sooner.  Anyway...as usual I am way way way behind in journals.  Some I read and then in my email I mark as unread so I can comment later.  They all get read...just that I can't be there right away much of the time for all my friends and I'd like to be.  I'm sorry.