Not feeling a whole lot better...but a little bit. I feel rested, which is good since I slept a lot.....but at the same time I feel like crawling under the covers and staying there. That's a no go though...I have to go to an appointment downtown...and still need to have a shower and get ready. I just don't want to do anything. And the fact is...I have appointments every day this week. I don't want to deal with any of it...I'm not even really looking forward to the "fun" appointment anymore which is my hair cut which I desperately need. My bangs are driving me nuts...and something needs to be done. But I don't really care. *shrugs* Trying to find something to be positive about...you know that phrase..."fake it till you make it"....well....I'm trying. But at the moment I can't even figure out something positive to "fake"...so if that's the case...how do I "make it"?
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I hear you Ell. I think my \"faking it\" was actually denial if my reality. I feel trapped under my living circumstances, surrounded by the barbed wire of other\'s expectations mainly based on THEIR fear that I will relapse into a manic episode if not suicidal depression. At least with mania, one is clueless to reality that is so painful. My restrictions as an adult go beyond what any of my peers endure, even those I know who have the same disorder. Now I often wake up hoping my reality was just a dream only to find nothings changed.....and I wish to sleep indefinitely.
You can fake anything you like. Tell yourself you are going to find some Joy today, that you are expecting a miracle, then go out and look for it!
Nan