i napped...got 2-3 hours of sleep...though i had to take half an ativan to stop the anxiety...i woke up and feel worse then in awhile.  I feel so down and depressed and just can't stop crying and feel like I should just kill myself...I know I said a few weeks ago I know I don't want to die but I still feel that way.  Now I'm not even sure I know it.  I just want all this to be over and it can't be.  I don't know what to do.  I took another half an ativan (which I'm not even suppose to be using anymore while on the clonazepam) but I don't take that stuff again until bed time and I don't know what else to do in the meantime.  I would've taken a full ativan but I literally have only one left...though I have a prescription that I can fill if I need to but that's not until at least tomorrow.  I have appointments every single day this week...but at least wednesday is a fun one...my hair appt.  Trying to think of stuff like that...and not that fact I feel like I should be dead.  I'm also annoyed and trying to eat something semi-substantial (well...kraft dinner)...so that I can take the manerix but it's so hard right now to even bother eating.  Sorry...I know this isn't a very positive entry...I just don't know what to do right now.  I feel so miserable.